I Don’t Want to Adult Anymore

There are some days where I really just don’t want to adult. Sometimes the seemingly endless battle towards emotional, mental and spiritual mastery just seems exhausting. It can feel like there is just one challenge after another. I totally get that this is what I’m here on this big old round ball to do. I’m here to master the hero’s journey, but sometimes I just want out. I want to give up and numb myself with crap food and Netflix.

Lately I’ve been faced with some challenging people in both my personal and professional life. I’m really starting to understand that the more you work on yourself, the more you start to become an energetic mismatch to people around you. The more light we become, the more we shine a spotlight on the hidden darkness in others. Unfortunately this means that we can be subject to psychological projection at the hands of those who simply are not ready to face their own issues, so they project them onto us in order to avoid facing themselves.

This can be a very painful position to be in, and one that I am very familiar with. For a long time, I have faced this kind of situation over and over, and it’s getting old. I’m not making myself out to be a hapless victim. I am well aware that it goes both ways, and that we are all mirrors of each other. If I am triggered by someone’s behaviour, then it means that they are mirroring my shadow back to me, and it’s up to me to take responsibility for it by having the courage to examine it and heal the core wound.

Having said that, I’ve done a shit tonne of examining, healing and releasing over the last three years, and I’m really ready for a smoother ride. I’m hopeful that the challenges and obstacles I’m currently facing close this chapter of debilitating karmic cycles that I’m ready to move on from.

I feel like I have done everything in my control to improve the situation, and have come from a place of compassion and respect for myself and the other, yet it has not made a difference to their behaviour. In fact, voicing my truth only served to exacerbate their negative projections. The only thing left to do in this situation is walk away like Lilith did when Adam would not respect her.

And when I fall into the trap of feeling sorry for myself and shaking my fist at the universe for how damn unjust and unfair it all is, I need to remember the universal law of attraction and balance. Everybody is subject to the wheel of karma, nobody escapes it. This means that whatever you put out there into the stratosphere will come back to you in some form. So if you are repeatedly projecting all your unresolved subconscious bullshit on those around you and refusing to own it, you will have it reflected back to you in some way sooner or later. You can run but you can’t hide forever. Everything has a way of balancing out in the end.

This is why I choose to continue on this journey despite the multitude of difficulties and challenges. At the end of the day, I know that I am a manifestor and co-creator of good things and that I will find my happiness and bliss. It’s already happening in a myriad of different ways. Having my work published in major online journals and receiving admiration, encouragement and praise for this is just one example. Of course, I’m not doing it for the praise, I genuinely want to inspire and help people as much as I can by sharing my own journey.

As much as I may complain about the tumultuous nature of this crazy ass ascension ride, I wouldn’t trade it for a life without meaning, purpose and illumination for a single second.

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