The Dark Night of the Soul and Twin Flames

The Dark Night of the Soul (DNOTS for short) is one of the first stages of spiritual awakening and it plays a pivotal role in the process.

Infamous spiritual teacher Eckhardt Tolle defines the DNOTS below:

It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything.


He further notes that it is like a death of the false sense of self, the ego-mind which we have been conditioned to believe is our true self. In this way, it is kind of a death that you experience so your false sense of self can be broken down and you can ultimately be reborn like a Pheonix rising from the ashes. The DNOTS can be triggered in a variety of different ways including deep meditation, taking ayahuasca (and other psychedelic medicines), or the death of a loved one. If it sounds really painful and confusing, that’s because it is!

In a twin flame dynamic, the masculine twin (usually a biological male but not always) often triggers the feminine twin (usually a biological female but not always) into her DNOTS first as ‘she’ is the leader in the connection whether she consciously realizes it or not. This is because the feminine energy is more in tune with her intuition which essentially means she is more connected to the higher realms (spirit, God, or other deity depending on what you believe) and is, therefore, more equipped than the masculine to navigate through the unknown.

The way in which the masculine triggers the feminine’s DNOTS often involves some kind of abandonment, rejection, or deception. For instance, he may suddenly break off the relationship with little warning, deny or dismiss the connection or become involved with a third party. Alternatively, the feminine might walk away from the relationship only to find that she has triggered her own DNOTS through the sudden separation.

These kinds of scenarios are often painful in a non-twin flame dynamic and can understandably cause significant pain and heartbreak. In a twin flame dynamic, they can be excruciatingly painful due to the intense energetic connection the twin’s share which runs very deep- everything is magnified in a twin flame connection. This is how the twins become the catalyst for each other’s spiritual awakening.

Many a feminine twin flame has found herself reacting in extreme ways to her twin’s behavior, or putting up with things that she just wouldn’t stand for in any other relationship. She can often feel like she is at the mercy of her twin’s every move and that she has no power in the dynamic. This can cause her a lot of anger, frustration, and regret that she even met him in the first place.

Of course, all of this stuff is painful as f***k from a human perspective, and it’s understandable that the feminine twin might feel all kinds of resentment towards her masculine and the divine for putting her in this position in the first place. This is a very common feeling for feminine twins suddenly finding themselves in the thick of the DNOTS. I certainly found myself experiencing all sorts of challenging feelings and impulses during my own initial DNOTS!

However, from a higher soul perspective, this stage of the journey is crucial so that the feminine (and eventually the masculine) can start to shed all of her false sense of self- her illusions, her fears, and her ego-self. For instance, before she met her twin she may have had a very set image of how she wanted her life to go based on what society has told her she should do. For a lot of feminine twins, this may involve finding a man to support her, getting married, working her way up in her career (or being a housewife), and having children.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of this if it is genuinely what you are have chosen for yourself from a conscious place of awareness. However, a lot of people have been conditioned by society, their culture, and/or their family to believe that this is what they want from life and that anything outside of this somehow makes them incomplete. This is not something that many people are consciously aware of – this is how conditioning works, it’s subtle and insidious. We are placed under a microscope of societal expectations from the moment we are born until the day we die.

It’s important to note that we also have free will, so even if as souls we agreed to meet our twin flame and experience a soul awakening we can choose to reject that path and go in a different direction. However, the issue with this is that it’s often fraught with difficulty, and once your awakening is triggered by your twin, you will likely find that you may experience significant challenges if you continue to make choices from your old sense of self rather than from your soul.

So it’s almost like you’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t. If you’re finding yourself in this place, the universe has got you right where it wants you. It may feel unjust, unfair, and all kinds of wrong but I promise you that it will get better and you will start to see how truly remarkable it is to live a life full of meaning, purpose, and awareness that most people won’t get to experience in this lifetime.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.