Twin Flames & Narcissistic Relationships

In my previous article, The Danger of the Twin Flame Label I spoke of how damaging it can be to mistake an abusive relationship for a twin flame connection. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon in the twin flame community and I feel that this is partly because there is not enough credible information out there that explains the differences.

This article will focus more specifically on the clinical definitions of pathological terms such as ‘narcissist,’ ‘sociopath’ and ‘psychopath’ all of which are legitimate diagnoses but are often used too casually in the twin flame community without a proper understanding of what they actually entail.

There is no doubt that the twin flame journey can be really tough sometimes, and the behaviour of a lot of masculine energy twins, in particular, can sometimes feel narcissistic, self-centred and sociopathic. I would even go so far as to say the behaviour of some twins can cross the border from rude and disrespectful to downright emotionally abusive at times. 

My masculine twin has certainly engaged in behaviours such as breadcrumbing, gaslighting, ghosting and psychological projection towards me over the years which I used to take personally at but I have now reached an understanding that how someone treats me is not a reflection of my worth. 

Does it mean that he is a narcissist, sociopath or even a psychopath because he has engaged in these behaviours? It’s highly likely that he is not. While these behaviours can be considered emotionally abusive (and they can feel ten times worse in the twin flame dynamic because of the sheer intensity of the connection), they don’t necessarily indicate that the person carrying them out has a diagnosable personality disorder. 

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is actually fairly rare within the general global population and the same can be said for sociopaths and psychopaths who are disproportionately represented in the criminal justice system (for good reason). With these statistics in mind, it does point to the excessive use of these terms in the twin flame community. 

Having said this, I can certainly understand why many a twin flame has thrown their hands up in the air in pain, confusion and frustration as a result of the behaviour of their counterpart and declared them to be a narcissist -I know I definitely have! It certainly can feel like it sometimes especially considering twins trigger each other more than any other person on the face of the planet.  However, it’s important to realise that if you are on a genuine twin flame journey, this is highly unlikely to be the case, and labelling them as such only adds to the toxicity, especially on an energetic level. 

If you’re not sure whether you’re on a twin flame journey or in a toxic relationship, it’s important to seek support from a trusted counsellor or twin flame coach who has your best interest in mind. My understanding of the main difference is that a twin flame connection usually includes metaphysical elements eg. seeing repeated number patterns (angel numbers), signs and experiencing synchronicities and telepathy with your counterpart in your physical 3D reality and in dream space etc. 

If you’re not experiencing these things, and your mental and physical health continues deteriorating as a result of your relationship, I would urge you to seek professional support and try and exit the situation if and when it is safe to do so. Even though it can be highly challenging and even toxic at times, a twin flame relationship generally doesn’t leave you in a permanent state of despair.

This leads me back to the actual clinical definitions of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), sociopathy and psychopathology:

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder in which people have an inflated opinion of themselves. They also have an intense need for the admiration and attention of others. People with NPD may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the praise or special favors they believe they deserve.

As mentioned above, while some twin flames can display these kinds of behaviours at times it is usually not consistent enough to warrant a diagnosis of NPD.  Due to the heightened intensity of a twin flame connection, these kinds of behaviours are also often exaggerated with the counterpart and unlikely to be as intense with anyone else. This contradicts the behaviour of someone with NPD whose narcissistic traits are usually present with anyone they are intimately involved with. 

Sociopaths and psychopaths generally present with a level of toxicity and dysfunction that exceeds that of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  While all three are classed as antisocial personality disorders, sociopaths and psychopaths are more likely to engage in criminal activity such as rape, violent behaviour and/or murder. This is why people with these types of diagnoses are disproportionately represented in the criminal justice system as mentioned above. 

Another defining characteristic for people with these diagnoses is a complete lack of empathy and disregard for the rights of anyone else but themselves, accompanied by a complete lack of regard for the safety of others or remorse for any wrongdoing  Brain scans of this cohort has shown a significant decrease if not a complete lack of activity in the brain where empathy resides. 


So as you can see, there is a big difference between a genuine twin flame and someone with a legitimate diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Sociopaths and Psychopaths. That is not to say that you should tolerate any disrespectful or emotionally abusive behaviour from a true twin flame. I always say that self-respect and healthy boundaries always come first no matter who you are interacting with. Just because someone is your twin flame, it doesn’t give them to right to treat you badly or vice versa. In fact, I think one of the major lessons of the journey (especially for the feminine energy twin) is to learn to put herself first. 

Genuine twin flames can behave in very hurtful and challenging ways at times but it is always about teaching us lessons and helping us heal past wounds from a higher soul perspective. One of the major signs of a true twin flame connection is the complete personal transformation and metamorphosis that twins experience as a result of the journey. It comes with many twists, turns, and challenges but it is also one of the greatest catalysts for healing, personal growth, and enlightenment. 


When Will I Be Healed Enough? The Search for Union on the Twin Flame Journey

If you’ve been on the twin flame path for some time, you may have wondered how much more healing you have to do in order to be ready for sacred union. This is particularly the case for predominantly feminine energy twins who tend to more consciously aware of the connection than their masculine energy counterpart.

It’s definitely true that a large part of the journey involves releasing repressed emotions and becoming more spiritually aware. However, what is arguably even more important is our underlying intention behind doing ‘the work’.

Let’s be honest here.. the majority of feminine energy twins often start doing their healing work with the sole motivation of getting back together with their counterpart. I was definitely in this boat for several years, and sought the help of numerous coaches, readers, therapists, energy healers, and shamanic practitioners.

At the time, I had successfully convinced myself that I was doing it purely for my own healing, self-development, and spiritual growth. It wasn’t until I went to an ayahuasca retreat that spirit revealed my true motivation through plant medicine.

In one particular ceremony, I was lead into my subconscious where my ego was running amuck. I was bombarded with my own deep-seeded self-centered thoughts coursing loudly through my mind, “I want union now! You better give me what I want because I’ve worked so hard and you owe it to me!”

I desperately tried to escape but the plant medicine kept pulling me back. As I lay there in a pulsating sweaty mess of ego-driven needs, wants, and desires spirit gave a glimpse of how it might feel if I allowed myself to let go of my attachment to a romantic outcome, which I fought with every inch of my being.

When I finally surrendered, I felt what can only be described as a state of complete inner peace and contentment accompanied by a sense of tranquility, and an easy-going mindset. In this state, nothing outside of me could affect my inner sense of wellbeing and calm. For someone who has struggled with anxiety throughout my life, it was a huge sense of relief.

I realized that spirit was trying to tell me that if I allowed myself to let go of all the expectations I was holding towards my twin, I could experience this state of inner peace on a regular basis. Later on that night, I remember sitting outside looking up at the stars with tears of gratitude running down my face as I thanked spirit for giving me exactly what I had needed.

Having said all of that, there are definitely some things that need to be addressed before a twin flame union becomes a possibility. Deep core wounds to do with abandonment, rejection and fear of love/intimacy need to be mostly healed as these issues can cause havoc in a twin flame connection. A lot of twin flames carry these kinds of wounds from this life and from previous lives which is part of the reason we are here to release them.

However, the same principle still applies and as discussed above, our motivation for the healing becomes more important than the healing itself. For the most part, it’s okay if your initial motivation is to be with your twin, but you risk setting yourself up for major disillusionment and disappointment if you hold onto this motivation for the entirety of your journey.

In the majority of cases, the heavily desired outcome of the physical union doesn’t happen in the timeframe or way in which the feminine twin expects. I personally believe this is by design because one of the major lessons for us is that of letting go, and releasing attachment to our twin. What better way for us to learn this lesson than to not get what we want when our ego wants it!

If you’re finding it really hard to detach from the motivation to heal just for the sake of attracting union with your twin, try not to beat yourself up too much. If you are aware of it, this is half the battle because whatever we deny and repress just gets squashed further down into our subconscious and ends up influencing our choices and behavior in unconscious ways.

At the end of the day, the fact that you are undertaking this journey at all is an amazing feat. It can be a tough tumultuous ride with many different challenges, difficulties, and plot twists. You are a warrior of strength and courage and the universe appreciates your tenacity to no end.

Why Can’t I Stop Thinking About Them? Some Common Questions on the Twin Flame Journey

There are several common questions asked by twin flames on the journey including, “how do I know when my twin is thinking about me?” and, “why can’t I stop thinking about them?” Given that so many twins report feeling really connected to their counterpart on every level, it’s understandable that these kinds of questions are often asked.

It does seem a bit mind-boggling that we are told over and over that one of our main tasks on the journey is to detach from our twin when we can’t stop thinking about them, and we may also be picking up on some of their thoughts. On top of this, many twins often report being bombarded with signs that remind them of their twin, sometimes even multiple times a day.

These signs can include things like seeing their name repeatedly, seeing the car they drive, or meeting people that remind you of them. With all this going on it’s natural for you to think that you are ‘meant to be’ with your counterpart and that you must try and make it happen as soon as possible.

I have discovered through my own journey that what is really happening is that the universe is asking you to recognize, heal, and release all of your fears, beliefs, and wounds that have resulted in your unhealthy attachment to your twin, and is reflecting this back to you through your obsession. The more you heal and release layers of unhealthy attachment. the less intense these thoughts and feelings start to become.

Unfortunately, the more you resist the process of surrendering and letting go, the more you continue to feed the obsession and in turn prolong your own suffering. The irony is that this often results in the physical union with your twin slipping further away (especially if you are actively chasing- either physically or even energetically).

Similarly, obsessing over whether your twin is thinking about you also keeps you further suspended in a loop of unhealthy attachment. In layman’s terms, anything you’re doing that keeps you bound in repetitive thoughts about your twin only serves to keep you stuck in what I call the ‘obsessive twin flame merry-go-round’. This includes constantly wondering about what they’re thinking, feeling, or doing and perhaps even spying on their social media or asking mutual friends about them.

As mentioned above, there can be instances where you might actually be picking up on your twin’s feelings. This is primarily because twins are energetically connected so it makes sense that some thoughts and feelings may cross over from one to the other. This can be very confusing and a lot of twins report having difficulty distinguishing their feelings from those of their twins at these times.

In my experience, the best way to tell whether a feeling belongs to you or to your twin is how suddenly it came about, and whether there is any reason for it in the first place. For example, say you are just minding your own business having a nice time, and all of a sudden a feeling of intense sadness strikes you out of nowhere, this could very well be coming from your counterpart, especially if there is nothing going on in your own life that warrants it.

When this has happened for me, I have found that the feeling tends to swiftly evaporate just as quickly as it appeared as soon as you identify that it’s not yours. The issue that a lot of twins face is that they mistake the feeling for their own and get stuck in it for hours or even days which unfortunately can lead to prolonged emotional stress and suffering.

I understand that some of these trickier aspects of the journey make it feel like some big old cruel joke that the universe is playing on you. Trust me, I’ve had that very thought myself many times! I know it can feel like that, but I assure you that you’re not being played with and that all these things are happening for your highest good.

The universe doesn’t seek to punish or play tricks on us, it merely picks up on the energy we’re carrying inside and mirrors it back to us through our thoughts, feelings, and the circumstances that play out in our lives (which can be particularly intense on the twin flame journey).

The more darkness and shadows you heal, the more love and light can shine out from your heart which then starts to reflect back to you in your physical world.

Why Is This Happening? The Crazy Twists and Turns of the Twin Flame Journey

Many a twin flame has found themself scratching their head in utter bewilderment, pain and/or frustration at the sudden and often unexpected twists and turns of the twin flame journey that just don’t seem to make any sense.

A common example of this (particularly for feminine energy twins) is coming back into contact with their masculine energy twin after a period of silence, only for them to run again, or for the universe to intervene in some way which immediately creates another separation. This often leaves one or both twins in a state of confusion as to what the heck just happened. The aftermath of this can be feelings of sadness, loss, and abandonment, and/or rejection bubbling to the surface.

Another example is when twins are guided towards a particular path or new opportunity eg. a new job, a new friendship, a new relationship (with someone other than their twin), a new business opportunity, etc, only to find that it falls to pieces in a somewhat dramatic or challenging fashion. This kind of experience can often leave twins feeling like they are doing something wrong or that the journey is too hard and they don’t want to do it anymore. I’ve definitely been there myself, many times!

Whilst these situations can leave twins feeling hurt, exhausted, bewildered, confused, or frustrated (or all of the above) they are also the catalyst for some sort of healing to occur or a significant lesson to be learned. This is exactly what the twin flame journey is all about: soul healing and growth. It’s certainly not an easy path, but if you subscribe to the notion that we have lived many lives prior to our current incarnation, you may also believe that we signed up to have this experience as an eternal soul living in a human body on planet Earth.

I personally subscribe to this and have come into full acceptance that I consciously chose this journey knowing full well that the challenges I handpicked as a soul would help me rise like the Pheonix from the ashes and push me to become the person I am meant to be in this lifetime. It hasn’t been easy getting to this place and there are still times where I get frustrated with it all and want to throw in the towel, but overall I am committed to the path and plan on seeing it all the way through.

The main thing is for us to keep reminding ourselves as twins that almost everything we experience on our journey is deliberately designed to either trigger some healing or to teach us a particular lesson to advance our soul in some way. This is why a lot of things that happen seem to make no logical sense (and they don’t, at least from a mind perspective).

If you take the first example above of the masculine twin suddenly reappearing in the feminine twin’s life momentarily only to leave just as abruptly, this would make no sense to her on a logical and emotional level. She may be thinking, ‘how can this perfect beautiful love that feels like home be shown to me and then taken away in the blink of an eye?’ This is a very natural reaction from a human perspective, but from a soul perspective, it is an incredible opportunity for healing abandonment/rejection wounds which are often triggered as a result.

Twins are also frequently faced with a variety of different challenges within their connection that are uniquely designed, partly so that they can learn the power and longevity of unconditional love. Some examples include significant age gaps in twin flame couplings, opposing cultural or religious upbringing or beliefs, or difficulties in regards to gender identity and sexual preference. Again, if you look at it from a soul perspective these challenges provide unique opportunities for incredible healing and growth.

Yes, these things are difficult, painful, and exhausting to go through as a human being living on Planet Earth, and twins are entitled to feel like it’s all a bit too much sometimes. It’s okay to have days where you hate the journey and you wished you never signed up for it. That’s natural and very human. However, at the end of the day, we have to remember that our journey is our responsibility and that the path to ascension is a lattice and not a ladder.

It’s not a straight path upwards to enlightenment, there are many ups, downs, twists, and unexpected plot twists along the way. It’s all so that we can heal layers of wounding from previous and current incarnations and learn the lessons we need to learn in order to become the very best and most powerful version of ourselves. And if you ask me, despite all the pain, suffering, and heartache, there’s nothing more important in this life than that.

Does Seeking Support on the Twin Flame Path Keep Us Attached?

One of the biggest issues a lot of twin flames face is whether seeking support and/or information (support groups, tarot readings, coaching, healing sessions, etc) keeps them in a state of unhealthy attachment and obsession towards their counterpart.

If you have been on the path for some time, you would most likely be aware that one of the main goals for twins is to detach from any expectation of a romantic outcome. It is no wonder that this becomes very confusing when the bulk of information in internet land appears to be centered around what the masculine twin is or isn’t doing, and when the sacred union will likely occur.

You only have to do a Youtube search for ‘twin flames’ to find a multitude of energy check-ins and tarot readings with titles like, ‘the masculine wants to declare his love,’ or ‘union is around the corner.’ A lot of these kinds of titles are intentionally designed as ‘clickbait’ to get more views, likes, and subscribers. It can also be what myself and others have referred to as ‘romantic spiritual porn’ eg. content that is overly focussed on the romantic aspect of the journey which really serves as a catalyst for both twin’s spiritual awakening (at least in the earlier stages of the journey).

Unfortunately, this kind of romantic spiritual porn is most alluring to vulnerable distressed twins desperately seeking reassurance around when their twin will return and commit to them. Most of us have been in this place at one time or another, myself included, so there is absolutely no judgment in saying this!

I suspect that some of the creators of this kind of content are consciously aware that twins in a state of desperation will do almost anything to feel better, and they are actively exploiting this by creating alluring clickbait and romantic spiritual porn. These are the coaches, readers, and healers to try and avoid as they are largely exploiting this vulnerability in order to gain notoriety and make money. The tricky part is that it’s not always easy for twins to identify these types, especially when in an impulsive, triggered, and/or desperate state.

The other complication is that not all of the content behind the clickbait titles is romantic spiritual porn. Some of it is helpful in terms of providing valuable information and insight around spirituality, and the creators have used clickbait titles to draw people in. I don’t personally see anything wrong with this because, in the end, the intention is to assist people in navigating their journey rather than to exploit their vulnerability for personal gain.

This brings me to what I personally feel is the most important element in regards to seeking help and support on the journey: INTENTION. If you find yourself watching tarot reading after tarot reading in an attempt to try and find out when your twin will come back, or when the journey will finally be over so you can stop doing the work, this will likely lead to an endless spiral of clickbait and romantic spiritual porn bingeing.

This kind of obsessive outcome and reassurance-seeking behavior is largely unhealthy, especially if you get stuck in it for a long period of time. It can cause stagnation of epic proportions and ongoing emotional and psychological distress which, in some cases, can lead to long-term depression or anxiety.

Whilst we are meant to experience these states and the associated pain and discomfort as part of our healing and spiritual growth, we are not supposed to get stuck in them for longer periods of time as this can severely stunt our ascension process and lead to mental unwellness.

At the end of the day, there is no black and white answer as to whether seeking support on the twin flame journey keeps you in a state of attachment. Some twin flame teachers support the notion that engaging with any twin flame material is unhealthy and that twins need to ‘detox’ from it and just focus on their own spiritual journey. While I believe this approach definitely has some merit, I don’t feel it’s a ‘one size fits all’ scenario.

Personally, I have benefitted greatly from some of the twin flame support and guidance I have sought over the years. Undoubtedly there have been times where I fell prey to obsessive reassurance-seeking mostly through watching an inordinate number of tarot readings, but I have now transcended this behavior and if I do choose to watch them I do so from a state of detachment and information-seeking around my own spiritual ascension.

As mentioned above, I would suggest that the most important thing is to be aware of your underlying intention around help-seeking at all times- check in with yourself and try to be as honest as you can. If you find yourself obsessively engaging with any type of twin flame support just make sure that you are consciously aware of it and try as hard as you can to put limits and boundaries around it so you don’t fall too far down the assurance seeking rabbit hole.

If you need to walk away from all twin flame material for a while (or altogether) for the sake of your mental, physical and spiritual health then do so, there is nothing more important than that. Conversely, if you need to reach out and share your feelings with like-minded souls, engage with a trusted twin flame support network like a Facebook or Meetup group.

The beauty (and pain) of the journey is that the more and more layers of attachment you heal and release, the more you can start to detach from your physical twin and the potential outcome. This is where the true transformation lies, and as you progress, your outcome seeking behaviour and need for reassurance will continue to decrease as you continue to transcend in your own spiritual ascension.

Why We Can’t Save our Twin Flame

It’s pretty common on the twin flame path for the feminine twin (often a biological female but not always) to try and step in and help her masculine (often a biological male but not always). She may witness him struggling with challenging circumstances in his life that are only serving to drag him down, but he doesn’t seem able or willing to do anything to help himself.

One of the main reasons that the desire to help is more prevalent for the feminine twin is that the divine feminine energy is associated with nurturance and support, particularly within the context of an intimate connection or relationship. She often experiences pain watching anyone she truly cares about struggling, and she has a deep desire to lend support and be of service. These are beautiful qualities and the world is much better off because of this kind of empathy and compassion.

However, in both twin flame and non-twin flame relationships, the offer to help can go pear-shaped, and the more the feminine tries to offer suggestions, reach out to her masculine, or take action on his behalf, the more he has a tendency to push her away.

This is partly to do with masculine conditioning in our society which only serves to reinforce the notion that men are ‘weak’ if they reach out for help and aren’t able to solve everything on their own.

In a twin flame dynamic, the masculine’s tendency to reject the feminine’s offer of help can often be extreme due to the energetic nature of the connection. Twin flames are so intimately connected that the core intention behind any action taken by one towards the other is felt on a deep intuitive level.

So in essence, your twin flame is like a living breathing lie detector who is tuned in to your core motivation behind everything you do. They can sense when your words and actions are coming from a place of ego or fear, much like you are able to do the same with them. With this in mind, it’s little wonder that it becomes a sh*t show when the feminine twin tries to offer advice or help to her masculine from a place of wanting to “fix” him in the hopes that he is then able to give her what she wants (usually a committed relationship) whether she fully realizes it or not.

This kind of “fixing” mentality derives from codependency which is one of the major shadow traits the feminine twin, in particular, must overcome throughout the journey. It’s also out of resonance with the frequency of unconditional love which is at the core of the twin flame connection, at least in the fifth dimension. Twin flames are here to work through and release their major fears, wounds, and illusions so they can embody the frequency of unconditional love here on the third-dimensional physical plane, and help uplift the planet in the process.

The masculine twin will often run away as soon as he smells even a slight whiff of codependency from the feminine which may then trigger her to chase him, resulting in him running even further. At this stage, there is nothing she can do but stop the chase and redirect her focus back to herself, even if it’s extremely difficult or painful for her to do so.

It can still be challenging for feminine twins to witness their masculine going through turbulent times and not being able to help even once she has largely overcome any codependency. By this stage of the journey, she is consciously aware that it is not her place to intervene, and that her masculine must learn how to navigate his own journey as part of his soul growth and learning.

By this point, she has developed and integrated a lot of her own divine masculine energy and therefore understands the importance of healthy interpersonal boundaries which not only serve to protect her from others but prevent her from overstepping the mark to try and save others. She has gained wisdom through her journey and now she knows that she must step aside and let her masculine fight his own battles no matter how difficult it is for her to witness him in pain.

At the end of the day, she has learned that she is not anyone’s personal Jesus, least of all her masculine. She knows that she must surrender any desire to help even if this means watching him make the same mistakes over and over so he is pushed to stand up in his own divinity and reclaim his authentic masculine power. She knows this because she too was pushed by her masculine to become the hero of her own story and stand up in her own beautiful fierce authenticity as the divine feminine super badass that she is.

The Dark Night of the Soul and Twin Flames

The Dark Night of the Soul (DNOTS for short) is one of the first stages of spiritual awakening and it plays a pivotal role in the process.

Infamous spiritual teacher Eckhardt Tolle defines the DNOTS below:

It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything.


He further notes that it is like a death of the false sense of self, the ego-mind which we have been conditioned to believe is our true self. In this way, it is kind of a death that you experience so your false sense of self can be broken down and you can ultimately be reborn like a Pheonix rising from the ashes. The DNOTS can be triggered in a variety of different ways including deep meditation, taking ayahuasca (and other psychedelic medicines), or the death of a loved one. If it sounds really painful and confusing, that’s because it is!

In a twin flame dynamic, the masculine twin (usually a biological male but not always) often triggers the feminine twin (usually a biological female but not always) into her DNOTS first as ‘she’ is the leader in the connection whether she consciously realizes it or not. This is because the feminine energy is more in tune with her intuition which essentially means she is more connected to the higher realms (spirit, God, or other deity depending on what you believe) and is, therefore, more equipped than the masculine to navigate through the unknown.

The way in which the masculine triggers the feminine’s DNOTS often involves some kind of abandonment, rejection, or deception. For instance, he may suddenly break off the relationship with little warning, deny or dismiss the connection or become involved with a third party. Alternatively, the feminine might walk away from the relationship only to find that she has triggered her own DNOTS through the sudden separation.

These kinds of scenarios are often painful in a non-twin flame dynamic and can understandably cause significant pain and heartbreak. In a twin flame dynamic, they can be excruciatingly painful due to the intense energetic connection the twin’s share which runs very deep- everything is magnified in a twin flame connection. This is how the twins become the catalyst for each other’s spiritual awakening.

Many a feminine twin flame has found herself reacting in extreme ways to her twin’s behavior, or putting up with things that she just wouldn’t stand for in any other relationship. She can often feel like she is at the mercy of her twin’s every move and that she has no power in the dynamic. This can cause her a lot of anger, frustration, and regret that she even met him in the first place.

Of course, all of this stuff is painful as f***k from a human perspective, and it’s understandable that the feminine twin might feel all kinds of resentment towards her masculine and the divine for putting her in this position in the first place. This is a very common feeling for feminine twins suddenly finding themselves in the thick of the DNOTS. I certainly found myself experiencing all sorts of challenging feelings and impulses during my own initial DNOTS!

However, from a higher soul perspective, this stage of the journey is crucial so that the feminine (and eventually the masculine) can start to shed all of her false sense of self- her illusions, her fears, and her ego-self. For instance, before she met her twin she may have had a very set image of how she wanted her life to go based on what society has told her she should do. For a lot of feminine twins, this may involve finding a man to support her, getting married, working her way up in her career (or being a housewife), and having children.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of this if it is genuinely what you are have chosen for yourself from a conscious place of awareness. However, a lot of people have been conditioned by society, their culture, and/or their family to believe that this is what they want from life and that anything outside of this somehow makes them incomplete. This is not something that many people are consciously aware of – this is how conditioning works, it’s subtle and insidious. We are placed under a microscope of societal expectations from the moment we are born until the day we die.

It’s important to note that we also have free will, so even if as souls we agreed to meet our twin flame and experience a soul awakening we can choose to reject that path and go in a different direction. However, the issue with this is that it’s often fraught with difficulty, and once your awakening is triggered by your twin, you will likely find that you may experience significant challenges if you continue to make choices from your old sense of self rather than from your soul.

So it’s almost like you’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t. If you’re finding yourself in this place, the universe has got you right where it wants you. It may feel unjust, unfair, and all kinds of wrong but I promise you that it will get better and you will start to see how truly remarkable it is to live a life full of meaning, purpose, and awareness that most people won’t get to experience in this lifetime.

Who Can I Trust? The Search for Answers on the Twin Flame Path

Many twin flames report a sense of frustration on the quest to find help and support on the journey. It seems that the hunt to find reliable, trustworthy, and credible information can often trigger anger and confusion amongst the collective. Many a twin flame has found themselves scratching their head in bewilderment at what to believe and who to listen to, especially when it comes to the twin flame tarot readers, many of whom appear to channel a different collective every week.

Along with the tarot readers, there is an array of services available including quantum healing, twin flame coaching, akashic records healing, and reiki and emotional release sessions. Some healers recommend doing as many as possible whilst others encourage us to be selective and go with our intuition around what feels right.

On top of this, there are a few examples of truly questionable twin flame groups that appear to hold a cult-like quality. This is always a confronting and scary scenario because cults pray on some of the most vulnerable people in society, and misuse power to gain control, money, and status often at the expense of their member’s safety. Let’s face it, twin flames are often in a vulnerable state and may be willing to do almost anything to stop the pain and confusion.

With all of this going on, it’s not surprising that a lot of twins are feeling all kinds of pissed off at the twin flame industry. Cults aside there is no doubt that there are some twin flame healers, readers, and coaches whose primary objective is making money above all else. However, I do feel that the majority are coming from a genuine place of wanting to be of service.

There is still the notion in the spiritual community that if you help people you shouldn’t profit from it. This belongs to the old paradigm way of thinking which creates a divide between profit and being of service. Eg. you are either a ‘spiritual’ person who helps people from the goodness of your heart, or you are a greedy capitalist who just wants to rip people off. As twin flames, we are here to break down these binary categories that only serve to reinforce judgment and hierarchy.

As mentioned above, one of the main frustrations for twins is difficulty finding consistent and reliable support and information to help navigate the path. This is understandable as it is a very unique, confusing, and often painful journey that completely challenges our core beliefs and preconceived notions about love and life. It is no wonder that there is sometimes a lot of despair, anger, and frustration for twins, myself included. I am certainly not immune and have experienced my fair share of it.

However, it is this very anger and confusion felt by the collective that is reflecting one of the major spiritual lessons of the journey. Much like the helping people versus making a profit paradigm explored above, it is exposing one of our biggest old school beliefs around looking to authority figures for guidance and answers rather than tuning into our intuition. We have been conditioned from a young age to listen to, follow, and even sometimes obey the authority figures in our lives – parents, teachers, police officers, government officials, and so on.

In this way, our god-given power has been taken away from us often without our conscious awareness. This is the insidious nature of our cultural and societal conditioning- we have been brainwashed in so many subtle ways from the moment of birth throughout our human lifespan. It is little wonder then that we have lost faith in our intuition, or we have just forgotten how to tune into it. This is the sad reality- whatever you don’t use, you lose. Much like we lose our fitness if we don’t work out regularly. The more our intuition lies dormant, the more we become estranged from it.

It is little wonder that in this state of estrangement we become narky with the twin flame industry for failing to give us the answers we think we need to understand the journey, control it, and put it in a nice little neat box. Twin flame coaches, healers, and readers are sometimes criticized for a variety of things including telling lies about the journey, not providing enough clarity, not offering the right kinds of services, charging too much for services, and so on. Whilst these things may be true in some cases it can sometimes be a case of misplaced aggression from the consumer.

Despite a few bad eggs, I believe the majority of twin flame healers, coaches, and readers have pure intentions and are trying their best with their own unique capacity. There is certainly a place for professional help on the twin flame path, especially when you are experiencing upheavals, or when you are feeling stuck and you are not sure how to move forward. I’m also not just saying this because I happen to be a twin flame coach. I have worked with several twin flame healers and coaches myself who have very helpful, apart from the rare exception.

I also feel that the type of experience you have is partly dependent on your frame of mind at the time of help-seeking. If you are in a somewhat impulsive and desperate state, you are more likely to choose someone that offers ‘same day’ or emergency support. In my experience, these are often the types of services that are looking to make a quick buck from vulnerable people rather than having your best interest in mind.

The reality is that you aren’t going find one healer, coach, or reader that has all the insight and support you may be looking for. At the same time, it is likely that all of the information you seek is out there. If you look far and wide enough, you will likely find it but you will probably need to work with a variety of different healers, coaches, and readers throughout your journey.

It is also a natural part of the process that you may work with a particular healer or follow a specific reader only to find that you no longer resonate with them further down the track. There will always be someone to take their place, and this is both a blessing and a curse on the journey. It’s important to utilise help if you are really struggling, but it’s equally as important to not become dependent on it when you could be using your internal guidance system. It is easy to become lazy and form an addiction to external guidance.

Like most things on the path, the onus comes back on us to temper our ego and find a healthy balance. As twin flames, we are here to overcome and shed our limiting conditioning, false beliefs, and past baggage/emotional wounding. Sometimes this may involve the help of a skilled professional and other times we may need to find our own way through the storm of uncertainty and confusion.

The most important thing is to learn to listen to and trust your intuition- she is your trusted guide and a testament to just how amazing and powerful you really are.

What’s So Divine About the Divine Masculine? The Cry of the Feminine Twin Flame Collective

Many divine feminines on the twin flame path (myself included) have asked themselves, ‘What is so divine about the divine masculine? Why do I still feel so much love for him even though he often acts like such an ass?’

Let’s face it, as a feminine twin flame, you can be subject to some shady s**t from your divine masculine including but not limited to: ghosting, blocking, hot and cold behaviour, cheating, lying, deception, rejection, abandonment, and so on. Many a feminine twin flame has found ‘herself’ scratching her head in utter bewilderment, confusion, or even excruciating pain in the aftermath of receiving this kind of treatment.

Often the default reaction of the feminine in these circumstances is to question herself and wonder what she could have done to warrant this kind of behaviour from her divine counterpart. When she comes up empty, she turns the frustration on ‘him’, and may even find herself in a state of rage toward him for having treated her so poorly.

The truth here is that whilst there is often a LOT of passion and romance in the initial stages of twin flame coupling, the bulk of the journey is not actually about romance at all. This is something the divine feminine in particular often refuses to accept.

What tends to unfold for the majority of twin flames is that they enter what is called the “bubble love phase” after the initial meeting in which both twins feel the intense attraction for one another, and a sense of being at ‘home’ with the other.

This phase usually doesn’t last very long (around one to six months) and is often brutally disrupted by the masculine twin (embodied by a biological male or female) who starts to freak out at the sheer intensity of the connection and begins to pull away.

The feminine twin (embodied by a biological female or male) senses him pulling away which triggers her abandonment and rejection wounds and she becomes aggressive, chasing after him and demanding answers. This causes the masculine to run often resulting in him blocking her on some or all forms of contact.

This is often where the feminine twin enters into her ‘dark night of the soul‘ because the energies between twin flames are so deep and powerful. Thus the masculine becomes the catalyst to kick start the feminine’s awakening.

It’s important to note here that the feminine twin always starts to awaken first, as ‘she’ is the one more connected to her intuition and to spirit, and is, therefore, more equipped to navigate through the darkness and the unknown- even if she may not be consciously aware of it.

One of the biggest issues for the feminine twin to overcome is her attachment to commitment and romance with her masculine as the be-all and end of the entire journey. It’s a paradox- the more she chases after it, demands it, or tries to make it happen via a variety of manipulative tactics, the more it slips from her grasp, and he retreats further and further away from her.

This is also part of the reason why the masculine engages in certain aforementioned challenging behaviors towards her. He can feel her attachment and this repels him energetically often resulting in the ‘push/pull’ dynamic that has become so iconic of the twin flame journey.

Now, I’m certainly not pointing the finger at the feminine and blaming her for the masculine’s poor behaviour. The way a person behaves towards another is a direct reflection of their level of emotional and psychological maturity. There are certainly masculine twins out there who have not reacted to their feminine by blocking, ignoring, or ghosting her, and instead have respectfully asserted healthy boundaries.

However, it seems that the vast majority of masculine twin flames do engage in some form of these challenging behaviours towards their feminine counterpart. This is often where his wounded pride and ego rear their ugly head, resulting in these shadow behaviours.

By far, one of the biggest challenges the masculine twin must overcome is the avoidance of his emotions, including but not limited to the intense love he feels for his feminine. Many masculine twin flames downplay their feelings for their twin (or even outright deny them altogether) and numb the pain and emptiness with alcohol, food, sex, and other vices. This kind of avoidance wreaks havoc in the connection, and in their lives in general.

Many masculine twins also have a tendency to take the feminine twin for granted whilst denying the existence of the connection. In his unawakened state, he doesn’t believe she will ever walk away and therefore doesn’t show much (or any) respect towards her in the physical world. This often brings up her wounds around abandonment and rejection.

It is usually not until the feminine twin walks away (often after reaching her limit with the masculine’s behaviour) that he is thrust into his own ‘dark night of the soul’ and he is forced to deal with the pain her departure brings up in him. It is ultimately the complete loss of the feminine that leads him to reflect on his behaviour and life choices, and ultimately realize what he has lost.

It may be very difficult for the feminine to walk away due to her deep love for her masculine, but it is an essential part of the journey so that both twins can learn to stand independently on their own without each other.

You might think that loving your twin unconditionally is ALWAYS feeling love and saying yes, but unconditional love is also loving someone enough to not put up with their sh*t. It’s being able to see them for who they really are – the good, the bad, and the ugly and inspiring them to live up to the highest expression of themselves.

Sarbriye Ayana, The Twin Flame Tribe

From a human perspective, all of this challenging behaviour can be extremely frustrating and painful. Many a feminine twin flame has thrown their hands up in the air in sheer desperation begging the powers that be to sever the connection with their masculine and let them off the twin flame merry go round of horrors. I know I’ve certainly been there! It’s a hot mess of epic proportions and can sometimes feel like some great big cosmic joke.

Despite the immense difficulty and often excruciating pain that the masculine brings to the connection, it is this very behaviour that kicks starts the feminine’s ascension process and ultimately forces her to become the person she is meant to be in this lifetime. She is broken down so that she can rise reborn like a Pheonix from the ashes loving and peaceful with a drive to be of service to humankind.