I’ve noticed that one of the major issues that is still largely misunderstood in Western culture is the distinction between sex and gender.
As a graduate in Gender Studies and a Counsellor who has worked with a wide variety of clients struggling with gender identity, I feel I can speak with some level of understanding and experience around this matter.
Sex is a purely biological distinction, so you can be born as a biological male, female, or intersex. Gender, on the other hand, is largely a cultural construct that actually has very little to do with biological sex.
We have been heavily conditioned (at least here in the West) to believe that certain qualities, traits, and behaviours are intrinsically “male” or “female.” For instance, a lot of people might assume that if you are born a biological male, then you should behave in stereotypically “masculine” ways as part of your gender identity and vice versa if you are born a biological female.
For example, the stereotype that women ‘should’ want to get married and have children is still thrown around whether we are aware of it or not. The image of the ‘barren spinster’ aka single, childless woman over forty surrounded by 101 cats still pervades popular culture and is then reinforced by the masses in gossipy exchanges between friends, family, and partners.
There is also the pervasive stereotype of the hyper-feminine male who exudes stereotypical qualities specifically reserved for women such as kindness, empathy, and nurturance. If a man is seen as possessing too much of these qualities, he is instantly branded as “gay” as if homosexuality somehow equates to possessing feminine strengths and qualities.
These kinds of stereotypes are still pervasive and can be quite degrading and damaging. A lot of people who are born as a biological male or female don’t conform to their designated gender identities.
In spiritual truth, gender identity doesn’t really exist, as it is a classification that keeps us in separation and division. Conversely, the essence of authentic spirituality is that we are all one regardless of race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, or any other dualistic categorisation. It is also more about whether one possesses divine masculine or feminine energy.
Just to be clear, divine is really just a fancy spiritual word for ‘pure’. So when we talk about divine masculine and feminine energy, it really just means masculinity and femininity in its highest and purest form. This is opposite to distorted or wounded masculine and feminine energy which is largely a result of our past wounds, fears, and illusions and often manifest in the form of our shadow. You can read more about this in my previous article Transform the Distorted.
Divine feminine qualities include intuition, communication, nurturance, receptivity, creativity, surrender, and emotional expression are all associated with divine feminine energy. On the other hand, qualities such as protectiveness, groundedness, assertiveness, leadership, and providing (or giving) are more associated with divine masculine energy.
We all have masculine and feminine energies within us regardless of our biological gender. I think this is often where the distinction between sex and gender gets heavily misunderstood.
This is also where the twin flame journey provides a perfect contradiction of this false distinction between sex and gender in our society. There are many twin flame couples where the more masculine twin is a biological female, or the feminine twin is a biological male.
There are also many same-sex twin flame couplings where one twin carries more of the masculine energy regardless of their biological sex, and the other carries more of the feminine energy regardless of their biological sex. In addition to this, there are twin flame couples in which one or both twins are transgendered.
At the end of the day, gender identity, especially on the twin flame path is irrelevant and regarded as a manmade construct. The true work for twin flames lies in healing, strengthening, and balancing their divine masculine and feminine qualities within so that they can become the best, self-actualised version of themselves and step boldly into their mission to be of service to humanity and help uplift the planet in the process.
As I move further and further along my twin flame path, I’m becoming more and more aware of the many intricate layers the journey has to offer. It is indeed a multi-layered and complex interplay between the 5D (the unseen or metaphysical world) and the 3D (the physical Earthly world that we physically inhabit and can see with our naked human eyes).
There are too many complexities to be covered in one article and do them all-sufficient justice. So with this in mind, I will be only be covering two in this piece. Stay tuned for future articles as I will continue exploring all of these complexities to provide clarity and support for anyone struggling to understand why certain things are happening on their twin flame path.
Playing out Old Scripts
One of the major things I’ve learned about the journey is that twin flames are here to heal and release old negative templates and scripts particularly in regards to how men and women (or masculine and feminine energy) interact with each other. To successfully do this, twins need to embody and play out these scripts as part of their physical reality to transcend them and replace them with unconditional love and radical acceptance.
Several old templates are repeatedly played out. For those who embody more of the feminine energy (often embodied by a biological female, but not always) this relates to deep-seated core wounds around feeling disregarded by the masculine, feeling like a perpetual victim and thus feelings of resentment and anger towards men and those carrying more of the masculine energy.
We can see this play out particularly in intimate relationships where the feminine counterpart often complains that her masculine counterpart routinely ignores her, is insensitive to her feelings, dismisses her attempts to connect more meaningfully with him, and so on. This pattern occurs at varying degrees for different people according to their circumstances, but it’s a fairly consistent pattern across the globe.
For those carrying the masculine energy (often embodied by a biological male but not always), there is a common template or stereotype in which “he” feels trapped by the feminine, bound by her expectations that he feels he is unable to meet. His ego tells him to be selfish and disregard her needs, which only leads him to feel guilt and regret for his resulting actions in the long run.
This distorted script in which the feminine is associated with victimhood and the masculine is associated with persecution that has been repeated over and over throughout human history and is still being enacted in a variety of different interpersonal relationships and collective contexts to this day.
This kind of pattern is often played out between the masculine and feminine in twin flame connections with the sole purpose of transmuting and transcending it for good. The divine universal plan is for twin flames strategically placed around the globe to work through these distorted templates by reenacting them so they can then teach others about the power of unconditional love. Such a beautiful vision when you think about it. Of course, re-enacting these patterns in your dynamic is often no picnic, but when you can take a step back and look at the grand plan, it’s very humbling important work.
The Feminine Leads into the Abyss
Another major aspect of the twin flame journey that is often misunderstood or ignored is that the feminine energy is the leader in the connection. This is because “she” is more connected to her intuition and to therefore to divine energy (eg spirit, God, or however you choose to identify it). Therefore it is her role in the connection to take the initial leap of faith into the unknown using nothing but her intuition and perhaps some spiritual guidance from coaches, healers, or twin flame readers.
This can often be quite scary and daunting, as there is no roadmap, it is mostly a huge exercise in re-inventing the wheel so to speak. She needs to find the courage within to be the fearless leader and do whatever she needs to do to move forward on her ascension journey rather than getting stuck in an endless loop of chasing her masculine counterpart and beating against a door that is likely only partly open if not completely slammed shut.
In Layman’s terms, this means that the feminine has to find the strength within herself to walk away from her masculine if needs be, with the knowledge and the faith that the connection she shares with her counterpart is eternal and is never going to dissipate even if there is no physical contact in the material world. She needs to shine the spotlight in the dark first for herself, but also her masculine as the feminine energy is designed for this very purpose.
This often means she has to break through her gendered conditioning and refocus her time and energy back onto herself rather than looking to her masculine to take this lead. This is just not the way it works, and there are many feminine twins (myself included) who have at times given away their innate power by sitting around waiting for their masculine counterpart to take up the reins and navigate the way forward through the unknown.
Unfortunately, if you do this as a feminine twin for any length of time, it just means that you will likely get stuck in a rut in your own life and the connection with your counterpart. Trust me, I’ve been there myself on more than one occasion. This journey is expertly designed to bring out your inner badass divine goddess warrior biatch so that you can transcend all of the outdated paradigms that truly can become the heroine and creator of your own dream life rather than waiting on anyone (especially your masculine) to do it for you.
So there you have it, two very significant elements that are uniquely characteristic of the twin flame journey in all its complexity. I hope this article has helped to provide some clarity on your journey, especially if you find yourself in a state of utter bewilderment scratching your head at the whole thing and thinking, ‘what the hell is this shit all about??”
Stay tuned for Part 2 where I will be discussing how the feminine can often transmute negative energies for the masculine, and the role that the masculine plays in the connection and with his feminine to help her rise into her full strength and power.
In this article, I will be talking about the importance of intuition on the twin flame journey, the difference between the ‘3D’ and the ‘5D,’ and the consequences for confusing the two. I will also be covering what it means to find a healthy balance between the physical and the metaphysical, and the subtle but important distinction between ‘waiting’ versus ‘holding space.’
Learning to Trust Your Intuition
If you are the twin carrying more of the feminine energy (embodied by either by biological male or female), then you will probably be well aware that one of the main tasks required of you is to “surrender” and “let go” of your twin flame instead of holding onto them so tightly and expecting a romantic outcome.
There are a lot of articles and Youtube videos that talk about this, so it’s not like there is a lack of information on the subject. However, I feel like a lot of these messages get misunderstood, partly because they are conveyed through ‘fluffy’ spiritual language that sounds great on paper, but is very hard to grasp from an intellectual level.
This is exactly where the paradox lies, because the concepts of ‘surrendering’ ‘letting go’ and ‘holding space’ are by nature very intuitive, and therefore hard to convey in words. I suspect that this is the reason why most of these resources use ‘fluffy’ spiritual language in the first place. These concepts are hard to describe on an intellectual level, and it’s not until you FEEL them on a deep intuitive level that you truly get what they are banging on about.
However, the problem here is that until you have been on the journey for some time, and you are in tune with your intuition to a certain degree, you will most likely be trying to understand these concepts from an intellectual perspective, and continuously feeling confused when these concepts just don’t seem to make sense or resonate on a deeper level.
Some twins are naturally more intuitive than others and don’t need to spend as much time developing and learning to trust their innate intuitive powers. However, for the majority of feminine twins, it takes time, tough love lessons, and emotional growth to fully accept and nurture their intuitive powers, myself included. It’s only in the last six months that I’ve really come to understand just how intuitive I am on a very deep level, and to fully open up to it and trust it completely.
I’m certainly not attempting to shame anyone for not being as in tune with their intuition as others- I would be berating myself if this were the case. The lack of trust and faith in our intuition as super badass feminine warriors is very much a product of the outdated patriarchal paradigm we are working so hard as twins to help humanity overcome.
The importance and power of the feminine power of intuition and what an amazing gift it is to humanity has been diminished for centuries in favour of predominately masculine strengths around logic and reason. Unfortunately, this has caused a lot of feminines to deny and doubt their intuitive gifts. The truth is that neither intuition nor logic and reason is more important than the other. They are both have an equally important part to play in healing and advancing humanity in a plethora of positive ways.
Learning to Balance the 5D and the 3D
As a feminine twin flame, one of your major tasks is to learn how to successfully navigate and balance the physical reality with the metaphysical. In a lot of twin flame resources, these two worlds are often referred to as the ‘3D’ (the physical world around us which we can physically touch, taste, feel and see) and the ‘5D’ (the world we can only sense and feel intuitively with our third eye). So, at any one time, we need to find a balance between these two worlds.
We need to learn to strike a healthy balance between these two worlds. This is a large part of our mission as spiritual beings on the twin flame path- we are here to bring down the visions and guidance we receive through our intuition onto Earth to make them a physical reality.
This is what it means when you read that the twin flame mission is about ‘bringing heaven down to Earth.’ To do this, we need to get the balance between our physical world and intuition right. If you get bogged down in the 3D drama with your twin, it can result in endless cycles of conflict and loss.
However, if you get fixated on the 5D, you can become very ungrounded and easily get stuck in fantasy land. This often results in feminine twins becoming very disillusioned when the physical reality with her twin doesn’t measure up to what she can see and sense in the 5D.
A good example of this is when ‘she’ can intuitively see her masculine’s higher self in his full divine masculine power – strong and stable with just the perfect amount of vulnerability. She gets confused and projects this vision onto her physical masculine, and gets a huge shock when she reaches out to him only to be ignored, dismissed, or spoken to with harsh words. This is because he hasn’t yet risen into his highest potential which she can feel and sense so strongly through her third eye. Some feminines can get stuck in this cycle for years, and it can cause a lot of extra pain and heartache.
To sum up, the first thing here is for the feminine twin to become fully aware that she has this unique intuitive ability, and to learn to trust it, which is often one of the hardest soul lessons she is faced with. Trust me, the universe will keep testing you on this one over and over until you finally give in and decide to trust your intuition for good, instead of continually going back and forth between moments of faith and doubt. These are the times where you find yourself desperately scouring social media for physical proof that your feelings about your twin are reciprocated, and that you’re not just a basket case.
The second is for her is to recognise that the higher self version of her masculine that she is feeling and sensing is probably not an accurate representation of where he is at in the physical. Unless you are seeing concrete physical proof that ‘he’ is embodying his divine masculinity, then it is probably safe to say that he is not there yet. I have made this mistake many times on my journey only to become confused and bitterly disappointed upon realising that my physical twin was not matching up to what I could see with my third eye.
Waiting vs Holding Space
Before I go any further, I think it’s really important to note that there are no quick fixes on the twin flame journey. If you’ve been on the path for awhile, you’ve probably heard this said before and rolled your eyes, I know I certainly have!
Despite the annoyance, it is one of the most important truths to fully accept and understand on the journey, or you will just end up banging your head against a brick wall over and over again in sheer frustration. It’s better to just bite the bullet and spare yourself the agony by accepting that there is no such thing as instant gratification on the twin flame path. If you feel that you can’t accept it, you may just be better off walking away and finding a soulmate. Sorry to be super direct, but it is the truth!
There can be a tendency for feminine twins, in particular, to be in a kind of waiting energy hoping that their masculine will finally wake up, recognise the significance of the connection and charge towards her proclaiming his undying love and promising to be loving and committed until the end of time.
She prizes this above everything else in her life, even if she is not consciously aware of it, which results in her putting some or all plans on hold until her masculine commits to her. This is the very definition of waiting on the twin flame path, and it’s what ultimately ends in frustration, bitterness, pain, and disappointment for the feminine twin.
Again, I’m certainly not judging- we’ve all been there, myself included! It’s also important to note that not you can be out there living your life and ‘getting on with things’ while there is still a part of you that is waiting. It’s all about energy, and if there is the slightest bit of waiting energy in your system, the universe and your divine counterpart will sniff it out. There is no hiding on the journey, as much as we would all like to think so at times.
Holding space on the other hand is not putting yourself on hold to wait for your twin in any way, whether that be physically, emotionally, psychologically, or energetically. It involves charging ahead with your own life and taking action to reach your own goals, developing yourself, growing spiritually, etc.
It doesn’t mean going to the opposite extreme and completely cutting them off and moving on because you literally can’t do this in a twin flame connection. No matter how many times you try and do this, you will always be magnetically drawn back to them, even if you don’t want to be.
Holding space means holding them in your heart and having a love for them but not waiting around for them, expecting them to behave in a certain way for you to love them. However, this doesn’t mean you should put up with bad behaviour either. If they are treating you unfairly, you must firmly and respectfully put up boundaries and gain the courage to walk away. You can still love them for afar without physically being in their love or taking any action towards them.
To do this effectively, you need to be at a point where you have worked on letting go of your unhealthy attachment to your twin. It’s this attachment that can keep you stuck in unhelpful black and white thinking patterns – “should I stay or just cut them off completely?” In Layman’s terms, it’s kind of like that feeling when you have spent some time healing after a difficult relationship breakup, and you suddenly realise you have moved on and that you feel neutral about your ex, but you also can reflect positively on what you learnt from the relationship.
It’s also important to note that letting go of attachment is not a one-time thing. There are often layers of attachment to work through. The universe will never make you tackle it all at once as this would be too overwhelming. Sometimes you will be assisted by the lunar cycles to release old pain – full moons are often a huge time of emotional release for a lot of twins, so it’s often not something you have to try and do on your own. It can be really hard to access old repressed pain without some sort of help, so the divine often steps in in this way to help bring it up to the surface so you can purge it.
There will be times that you need to make the very conscious choice to focus on yourself and keep moving on your path no matter what. These are usually times that you feel really fixated on your twin and stuck around how to move forward. It’s important to set the intention for the get-go that you are going to make the journey about your healing and your empowerment instead of about trying to get together with your twin. If it’s meant to be, it will be. In the meantime, you have a life to live and things to do so it’s best to get busy with that and mean it rather than just doing it to attract your twin.
At the same time, you must make room in your life to do your spiritual and emotional work. You can’t expect to become more spiritually enlightened and shed layers of unhealthy attachment if you are too busy with work or distracting yourself with other things. Yes, career and work are important, but your spiritual work is just as important, and I would even argue more important, depending on where you are in your journey.
You also can’t expect anything to happen if you just spend your time doing visualisations and meditating. Whilst these things are important for manifestation and to look within for answers, it won’t result in much if you don’t take any inspired action to make your goals and dreams come into fruition.
So again, it’s a balancing act. Like most things on the spiritual path, multiple truths are happening simultaneously, and they are all as valid as each other. We must learn to get our head around this and learn to balance on this tightrope as twin flames. A large part of the work we do is breaking free from the black and white ways of thinking and operating in the world.
Ultimately, the journey particularly for the feminine twin is about rising into her full power very much like the Pheonix rising from the ashes. She is a superwoman badass supreme. She is magnetic, strong, courageous, fierce, compassionate, creative, empathetic, determined, and extremely beautiful on a very deep soul level.
As an experienced counsellor and twin flame coach, it has come to my attention that there is a lot of misidentification with, and misunderstanding around the twin flame label.
Before I go any further, I must warn that this article may be triggering for some. Nonetheless, I feel strongly guided to write it so that people can become properly informed and seek the help and support they may need. I will be talking about the dynamics of domestic and family violence. I will also be using the word ‘victim’ purely for ease even though I don’t like or resonate with it.
Unfortunately, I have witnessed many people identifying their relationship as a twin flame connection when it is highly likely that it is not.
Having said this, I don’t profess to have all the answers, nor do I have a unique psychic ability that allows me to confirm with absolute certainty whether or not someone is in a spiritual connection. What I do have, however, is fifteen years of counselling experience, including several years of working with clients who have been directly affected by domestic and/or family violence.
I have also been on a genuine twin flame path for the last four years which has been confirmed by several highly skilled and experienced shamanic practitioners, and my intuition, which has become very solid and unflappable on this journey. As a result, I do feel that I have enough professional tools, skills, and experience to be writing with a fairly high level of certainty on this subject.
What I have been witnessing is people who are in toxic or even abusive relationships that are mistaking it for a twin flame connection. This is understandable as there is a lot of literature out there in internet land about twin flames which speaks about the often tumultuous, turbulent, and sometimes even abusive behaviour that can occur from one or both parties in the connection.
It is little wonder that someone in a toxic and/or abusive relationship might read these kinds of articles and mistake their relationship for a twin flame connection. This is especially applicable for the ‘victim’ who may be holding onto the hope that their abusive partner will eventually wake up, see the value in the relationship, and change their ways.
This is exactly where the major danger lies in holding onto the twin flame label. It provides the ‘victim’ with the notion that they should continue to put up with abusive behaviour from their partner because it is a destined spiritual connection, and if they hold on for long enough and wait patiently with unconditional love, their partner will eventually wake up and see the true value in their relationship, and commit to them in a spiritual union.
The reality is that it doesn’t matter whether you are in a twin flame connection or not when it comes to abusive behaviours. If you are in a relationship where you are subject to maltreatment of any kind whether it be emotional manipulation, sexual, financial, or physical abuse, this is never okay, and it can be very damaging on all levels. If you are in this kind of relationship, you need to be honest with yourself first and foremost. You also need to seek appropriate support, take steps to protect yourself, and be prepared to walk away from the relationship if needs be.
There can often be challenging and even toxic behaviours present in a genuine twin flame relationship because one of the main purposes is for both parties to trigger each other so that their wounds come up to the surface for healing. This is exactly why a lot of people confuse an abusive relationship for a twin flame connection.
However, what you will most likely find in a twin flame connection is that one or both twins will more than likely be repelled by the other straight after a major trigger which will inevitably lead to a physical separation in which there is very little or no physical contact/communication.
In the early stages of the connection, in particular, this often plays out in the form of the infamous ‘runner chaser’ dynamic in which the twin carrying the masculine energy (most often embodied by a biological male but not always) will run away and completely block the twin carrying the feminine energy (most often embodied by a biological female but not always).
At this stage, the feminine twin will often try to chase after the masculine to little effect as there is nothing you can do to coax a masculine twin out of hiding once ‘he’ runs away. The only thing left to do for the feminine at this stage is to focus ‘her’ energy inwards and start to heal and ascend on ‘her’ own without the masculine physically present in ‘her’ life.
In a genuine twin flame connection, there is typically only a short amount of time that the pair are physically together (most often as a romantic couple) in what is most often referred to as the ‘bubble love’ phase before the triggering starts and the masculine twin runs from the connection.
This phase is deeply loving, and there is an inextricable feeling of deep soul recognition and ‘returning home’ for both twins. Most if not all of the genuine twins I have spoken to have reported that this initial courtship lasted anywhere between 2-6 months (often on and off) before the ‘runner chaser’ dynamic came fully into play.
So if you have been in a long marriage or partnership that has lasted for years and you are now finding yourself in a difficult separation or divorce with your partner who is engaging in some abusive behaviours, you are more than likely not in a twin flame relationship. This is more likely to be a difficult separation which has triggered some abusive or toxic behaviours that were already present in the relationship whether you were fully aware of it or not.
At this point, I also want to make it clear that I am not putting the twin flame connection on a shining pedestal and defining it as better than any other connection or relationship. I firmly believe that every relationship that we attract in our lives is just as valid and valuable as any other, and they all have a different purpose for us, whether this is to teach us a major life lesson or to provide companionship and words of wisdom when we need it most.
Having said that, everything needs to be taken in balance and with a grounded higher perspective. In the context of an abusive relationship, this means that there is a need for us not to accept any kind of mistreatment and take the necessary precautions as outlined above.
It is also necessary to learn the lesson/s that is being offered to us through this kind of relationship so we can try our best to heal and move into healthier connections in the future if we wish to do so. The lesson for many in this kind of situation is usually around honouring, loving, and respecting the self enough to never be somebody’s punching bag – either physically or emotionally.
Also, if after reading this you start to realise that you may be in an abusive relationship rather than a twin flame connection there is no need to be jealous. The twin flame journey is no picnic, and it certainly isn’t a fairytale. Without a doubt, it can be one of the hardest and fast-paced pathways to spiritual ascension that exists on this earthly plane.
The universe puts the twin flame collective through so many difficult and often very painful tests, seemingly one after the other, with barely any breaks in between. It can be truly exhausting and can often make you want to run away as far as possible from yourself, your twin, and from the journey; but there is no escape.
If you try to run, you will most likely be faced with some kind of distressing event or circumstance (aka ‘tower moment’) that causes you so much discomfort and pain, and you realise that the only way out is to continue on your path towards ascension.
It is a huge commitment to be a twin flame and can sometimes feel like a massive curse and a burden. The blessing is that you get to awaken spiritually and become the best version of yourself, but it certainly takes a lot of really tough hard work to get there.
This is very different from an abusive relationship where the longer you stay, the more likely you are to experience even more pain and incur further damage in the long term than if you bite the bullet and decide to leave.
I would be doing everybody a disservice if at this point I didn’t mention that I am in no way trying to shame the ‘victim’ and inflict any further sense of guilt or blame. There is still a lot of focus within the legal system, DV services, books, and academic journals around the need for the ‘victim’ to leave the relationship rather than emphasising the need for the abuser to commit to proper treatment to correct their damaging behaviour.
Despite the work of great writers and academics in this field, there is still a lot of work that needs to be done in this highly problematic space around patriarchal entitlement, gendered politics, and issues of power and control. If anyone reading this article is now starting to question whether there is abuse present in their relationship, I highly recommend reading Look What You Made Me Do by Australian journalist Jess Hill. Her work is extremely informative and important in this area and I can’t speak highly enough of it.
The last thing I want to say is that it is my mission in this lifetime to help people understand and navigate their relationships, whether they are in a twin flame connection or any other type of connection. I truly want to make a difference in this area because relationships often form such an integral part of our lives that it is so important they be healthy, loving, respectful, and supportive.
We are all individuals, but we also understand and learn about ourselves through our relationships with each other. No man or woman is an island and it’s essential that we all try and do our best to clean up our side of the street.
It has really dawned on me recently that this whole awakening journey is one big ol’ rollercoaster ride. I mean, I’ve known this for awhile (you would hope so, I’ve been on this journey for some time now), but now I can see the pattern of ups and downs, high and lows, expansion and contraction in a very clear and visceral way, almost like I’m looking at a precise road map of exactly how I got to the point where I am now.
Whilst it has been intensely painful at times, it has also been powerful, beautiful and amazing. All the oscillations, the plot twists, the times of agonising suspension and the crazy ass “tower moments” have made this journey very unique. Despite the immense difficulty at times, I am extremely grateful that I have experienced it and continue to experience it as I move forward everyday into higher states of awareness, elevated levels of consciousness and the life of my dreams in my physical everyday reality.
One of the major things I have learnt first hand on this journey is that you literally can’t have any expectations of how you want your life to unfold. You can certainly have an idea or an image of what you want, but nobody has any control over how things play out or how they ultimately pan out.
It is absolutely fine to want certain things – a secure and meaningful career/purpose, a loving and healthy relationship, a beautiful family, a once in a lifetime trip or adventure, a gorgeous house with all of the latest gadgets and appliances etc etc.. In fact, forming a blueprint of your heart’s desires and putting them out into the stratosphere is actually a crucial step in getting what you want.
Where most of us trip up is the next step in the manifestation process where one needs to let go of any expectations, intense longing or stubbornness around exactly how these things come to fruition in our physical reality. On top of this, there are no guarantees, so just because you put out a blueprint of your desires, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you will get what you want or even something similar. It could very well be that some or all of the things on your ‘wish’ list are not for your highest good, and therefore the universe will not deliver on these things in order to protect you from something or someone that is not right for you.
I have just recently come out of the ‘void zone,’ best categorised as a state of animated suspension where you have done most of the really intense and challenging inner emotional/psychological/spiritual work so that you are a vibrational match to your heart’s desires, only to be faced with further challenging circumstances, confusion and multiple unknowns.
This is the stage that requires a tremendous amount of PATIENCE and FAITH in order not to crumble into a sobbing hot mess on the floor wailing, “why don’t I ever get what I want?? I worked so hard and it’s all for NOTHING! It’s not faaaaiiiiiiiirrr!” Much like the scene in Bridesmaids where Annie (played by the hilarious Kristen Wiig) looses her shit at her best friend’s engagement party in front of everyone. Ego tantrum to the max.
What I had failed to realise in my own ego driven state was that this was the natural rhythm of expansion and contraction at play. I had placed the order of my wants and desires (so to speak), I had done most if not all of the necessary work in order to become aligned energetically to receive them, and was waiting for my order to be shipped (without tracking). In between, I had experienced incredible breakthroughs, dizzying highs and peaceful moments of pure presence and tranquility followed by massive shakeups, devastating lows and then back again.
This is the way this journey rolls and if it sounds a little bit bipolar, it is! Of course, this is not to detract from or diminish the incredible pain experienced by someone who is diagnosed with bipolar disorder or any other mental health issue where immense ups and downs play a significant part. I have a huge amount of empathy and compassion for anyone in this position, and hope that they are receiving the support, love and care that they need to recover.
Clinical diagnosis aside, the awakening journey can leave you feeling completely drained and exhausted at times. It can also make you feel very powerful (in a good way), especially when you manage to get yourself through the infamous “dark night of the soul” and shed more and more of your old petulant ego self to be reborn like the phoenix rising from the ashes – resilient, strong, courageous, wise and so damn magnetic that you start drawing positive people, things and experiences to you like a moth to a flame.
This is where I am now. While there are still some things that are yet to completely manifest in my physical reality, energetically I am in a very good place and it’s only a matter of time before these things unfold. I will be living my best life in the physical as well as internally and this will be a reflection of the state of my inner world- powerful, peaceful, confident, compassionate, kind and brimming with unconditional love to pour into my business of helping people as a counsellor and coach.
I have had some difficult times with various people in my life who have treated me badly, disrespected me, or have tried to control me. Whilst these have been painful experiences to go through from a human perspective, from a soul perspective these people have been my greatest teachers for whom I am very grateful, and I forgive them for any hurt caused. I honestly wouldn’t be where I am today without them. I’m certainly not perfect by any means, and I have behaved in challenging ways with others in the past – no human is immune to fears, wounds, illusions and conditioning that can manifest as challenging or even toxic behaviour at times.
These people have helped to teach me about my worth, that I deserve all the good things. They have taught me that I always need to speak my truth (respectfully and kindly of course). They have taught me how to implement healthy boundaries in a way that is honest, fair, assertive and compassionate. They have taught me to be patient and have faith (a difficult one for me!) Last but not least, they have taught me that I am enough as I am, just me, and that I don’t need anyone or anything to feel whole, complete, worthy, accomplished and beautiful. Wow! What amazing takeaways.. So from the very bottom of my heart.. thank you.
I now sit in this space knowing that I have a beautiful future ahead of me, regardless of how it physically unfolds and presents itself in my life. I am so thankful for the expansions and contractions on this journey, and I am open and ready to receive whatever is meant for me whether that be a beautiful romance, increased clarity on my life mission/purpose or anything else.
So, the next time you are struggling with expansion and contraction, just know that it is all part of the process and that everything is impermanent except for the ever flowing unconditional love of your soul.
It’s easy to get caught up in the collective panic and general air of malaise in the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic. As has already been highlighted, the current health crisis has shone a very bright spotlight on the collective ‘lack’ mentality predicated on fear and competition. This mentality has manifested in mass hoarding behaviours resulting in empty supermarket shelves and an uneven distribution of toilet paper.
It has revealed humanity’s collective shadow side which can only really be described as selfish and ugly. I certainly don’t intend to judge, punish or criticise anyone by writing these words. This is a collective mentality which suggests that it does not derive from individual dysfunction and greed, but from a society that teaches us that we never have enough material things, and that it’s every man and woman for themselves.
This is a mentality that has been rampant for a long time, particularly in the West, and it has caused a lot of dis ease, conflict, unhappiness and suffering. Our true nature is not based on fear, competition and greed, but on radical acceptance, unconditional love, courage, creativity and kindness. Who we are at a soul level has been covered up by centuries of patriarchal and political oppression resulting in trauma, conflict, wars, environmental degradation, unhappiness and damaging behaviour.
Whilst we are all connected by a vast web of collective human consciousness, every human being is an individual who is ultimately responsible for their own wellbeing and happiness. It is only when we have come to a place of relative happiness and wholeness within that we can contribute positively to the collective.
You may ask, “how do we heal and evolve from the damage we have inflicted on ourselves and the Earth? It seems impossible, we are too far gone!” You may feel that ascending as a planet into a higher level of collective consciousness is so far out of reach and that rebuilding a world based on altruism, respect for our Earth Mother and kindness towards all living things is a shitty pipe dream, which drifts further and further out of reach with every new crisis: climate change, the recent bushfires in Australia, and now the global Coronavirus pandemic.
When you look at it at face value, this is exactly how it appears. However, when you look at it from a spiritual perspective, what is happening now makes complete and total sense. In order for us to change from the inside out, we must first recognise and acknowledge where we are creating damage. What better way to continue to wipe out oppressive and outdated systems predicated on dysfunctional levels of ego and pride than to introduce a global health crisis that forces us to turn away from our systemic oppression and find peace, kindness, compassion and humble solidarity within.
The COVID- 19 global pandemic is just the catalyst for our collective ‘dark night of the soul‘ or the chrysalis, as beautifully described below:
We are entering the chrysalis. There’s no instruction manual for what happens next. But we can learn some things from observing nature (thank you Megan Toben for some of this biological info). For one thing, the chrysalis stage is preceded by a feeding frenzy in which the caterpillar massively overconsumes (sound familiar? We’ve been there for decades). Then its tissues melt into a virtually undifferentiated goo. What remain separate are so-called imaginal cells, which link together and become the template from which the goo reorganizes itself into a butterfly.
Jonathan Hadas Edwards & Julia Hartsell, 2020
Once we emerge from the chrysalis, (and even whilst inside it) we have the opportunity to rise like the Pheonix from the ashes, reborn and ready to do things differently. To live and strive as a collective in alignment with our soul consciousness predicated on all the good things our world is so desperately in need of.
So put this time of social isolation to good use. Instead of getting caught up in collective fear, anxiety and panic, reflect on your own inner space and what you can do to raise your vibrational frequency. We can all contribute positively to the collective human consciousness, and help save this beautiful big old round spinning ball we call home.
Lately I have been feeling a lot of frustration around the ways that some people within and around the spiritual community engage in various forms of spiritual bypassing.
Spiritual bypassing can be best described as:
A tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks
John WELWOOD, buddhist teacher and psychotherapist
In my experience, this is a very apt description. I have witnessed multiple examples of this going on within spiritual groups and with friends and acquaintances.
The sorts of telltale signs that someone might be engaging in this form of spiritual avoidance include:
Always trying to remain “positive” by avoiding any discussion or expressing difficult emotions that arise as part of the human experience (ie. emotional repression)
Disinterest, judgement and/or avoidance of the emotional process
Being overly tolerant of the mistreatment of others, lack of healthy boundaries (ie. co-dependency)
Giving excessive advise whilst resisting the same in return
Being overly idealistic instead of realistic
A sense of spiritual superiority and entitlement
Attributing negative events to the interference of black magic, dark forces etc.
Touting fringe conspiracy theories to avoid facing your shadow work
This list is not exhaustive by any means, but these are some of the most common manifestations of spiritual bypassing I have come across on my own path.
There are some sayings within the spiritual community that are repeatedly misused by people who are not actually working through their shadow side. The term, “sending you love and light” is one common example.
In order to get to a place of balance and wholeness within, you need to work through your shadow side and integrate it into your life rather than sweep it under the carpet and deny it’s existence. Nobody who is on a true spiritual path can avoid this, and no amount of love and light is going to bypass this process.
I have to admit that when someone utters this phrase to me, this is the image that springs to mind…
Real spiritualism means confronting, accepting and even embracing those ‘undesirable’ and ‘ugly’ parts of yourself that our society and upbringing has conditioned us to deny and repress.
It means getting really honest with yourself about your fears, deep seated wounds, illusions and the unhealthy/dysfunctional/toxic patterns that play out in your relationships, including your relationship with yourself. It means owning up to self sabotage and embracing opportunities for change and growth rather than staying stuck in fear and resistance.
Let’s face it, the initial stages of a spiritual awakening are intensely raw and extremely painful. It’s nothing short of taking a trip through the gates of hell because everything you have been carrying that has been blocking your heart from true unconditional love and acceptance has to be shed and released which means FEELING IT ALL.
This is just the way we are built as human beings living on planet Earth. We need to feel the emotions in order to release and heal them for good. I can vouch for this because I have been on the Twin Flame ascension journey for the last three and a half years.
The twin flame journey is basically the same as a normal spiritual ascension journey. The only difference is that there is another person involved in the process, someone who is so energetically connected to you on a deep soul level that they trigger your deepest darkest core wounds and fears up to the surface for recognition, healing and release through their challenging behaviour.
If anything, the twin flame ascension journey forces you to awaken at breakneck speed as you are triggered over and over and over in quick succession by either your spiritual counterpart, or by other circumstances/situations/relationships that are divinely orchestrated to ensure that you engage in the cross fit version of spiritual awakening. Not a journey for the fainthearted, that’s for sure.
There is definitely a mandatory requirement for anyone who is serious about their awakening to drop all the bypassing “love and light” BS and embrace a path of genuine ascension. One that involves allowing yourself to feel everything (and I mean really feel it) to the point where you might find yourself lying cheek down on the bathroom floor sobbing in a heaving sweaty mess to release the trapped emotions stored in your muscle memory from your childhood/other life experiences.
Real awakenings are messy, painful and extremely challenging. They are also amazing, joyful, extremely beautiful and everything in between. It’s essential to understand the difference between spiritual bypassing and genuine raw, authentic spiritualism. We need as many people as possible to truly embrace this journey on all levels so we can help uplift the vibration of the entire planet and save humanity in the process.
I love who you as your authentic self, in your divine masculinity: an exquisite balance of kind tender hearted vulnerability and positive decisive action. You are my protector, and it is through your protection that I am free to walk the Earth unharmed so I can spread my light and inspiration to everyone around me.
I accept who you are in your current distorted state and I still love you in spite of it, but that doesn’t mean I want to be around you. I don’t want to deal with your control, manipulation, betrayal and deceit. When you are in these energies, I feel you can be very unkind. You need to learn that asserting control over someone is not love. Neither is withholding affection, honesty, attempting to make me jealous, shutting me out or saying nasty things.
I know you are hurting and dealing with deep core wounds that are very difficult to work through. I have compassion for you at this time because I have also been through this deep dark pain on my own healing journey. However, this is a path you need to walk alone until you can stand confident and tall in your own healthy masculinity. There are no short cuts on this journey, and I will never be your emotional punching bag.
I’m not trying to demonise you or to put myself on a pedestal by writing these words. I have engaged in my fair share of distorted feminine behaviour on this path. But I have healed my core wounds now, and although I still have my ups and downs, I stand tall and proud in the energy of an empress.
This is why I can’t be with you at this time. There is an energetic mismatch between us – divine feminine and distorted masculine does not make a true sacred union. We can only make this work when we have both surrendered our ego and there is nothing but love between us. That is how we come together, in true unconditional love for each other and the world around us. When we are both ready we can come together to fulfil our soul mission together, as one.
So please, my distorted masculine stay away from me until you are a king who can treat me like an empress. I love you so much, my distorted masculine, but I need you to know that if it ever comes down to a choice of me or you, I choose myself every time.
It’s come to my attention that there is a fair bit of confusion in the twin flame community around what it actually means to detach from your divine counterpart. If you’ve been on the twin flame path for awhile and you have sought explanations for the plethora of mystical experiences you’ve encountered, then it’s highly likely that you have done some research and sought the assistance of a twin flame teacher, coach or tarot reader/s to help guide you.
This is a journey that you can only truly understand if you are on it or have been through it yourself. It’s also highly likely that you have come across the very strong message in the twin flame community that you must detach from your counterpart in order to fully ascend, come into your true soul self and attract spiritual and physical union with your twin. This is stated over and over as one of the ultimate challenges and goals of the twin flame journey, which is perhaps why it is one of the hardest darn things to achieve.
I know I have struggled over and over again on my own twin flame path to fully surrender and let go of any kind of unhealthy attachment to my twin and to the connection. There were many times on my own journey where I felt that it must be some impossible cosmic joke- the connection I felt to my twin was so strong that it was driving me crazy. He was constantly on my mind, he would appear in my dreams and I could feel his presence so strongly on an energetic level that sometimes I felt like he was right there with me in the physical. The love I felt for him was so strong and beyond anything I had ever experienced with another person before.
Along with the strong magnetic, I could feel and sense my twin’s thoughts, feelings and emotions as well as my own. I was also seeing, feeling and experiencing a miriade of signs and synchronicities especially whilst in periods of separation such as repeated number patters (111, 222, 333 and 555 being the most frequent), and things that reminded me of him like the car he drove or other men that looked like him.
With all of that going on I wondered how it was even possible to detach from him like I was supposed to. How the hell was I going to become neutral about someone who was always there, always in my thoughts, my heart, my mind and the main reason that I was working so hard to overcome my fears, wounds, illusions to become to best version of myself that I could possibly be?
It certainly didn’t help that everyone in my physical reality were not on the twin flame path and could only see what was happening on the surface- that I appeared to be obsessed with someone who was emotionally and physically unavailable to me, and not only that, someone who and was actively ghosting, ignoring and blocking me. Not only was I having all these intense feelings and experiences that were making me question my sanity, this feeling of “going crazy” was being reinforced by those around me who thought that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and had serious attachment and mental health issues.
I’m certainly not having a go at anyone who thought these things about my situation. In truth, I would have had the same thoughts if I were in their position. I mean, this whole twin flame thing is not a ‘normal’ experience in our society which is why a lot of twins try to conceal the fact that they are on this journey, and hide it like some dirty little secret. I was certainly no exception to this, and it’s only over the last six months that I have really started to come out of the closet about my twin flame status.
I have now gotten to a point of my journey where overall I have been able to detach from my twin in ways that I previously felt impossible. I still have the odd day where I feel that strong obsessive magnetic pull and it becomes so damn distracting that it’s challenging to focus on myself… However, the thing I have come to realise is that once you have healed and released your biggest core wounds triggered by your twin (which for most twins are around abandonment and rejection), you will start to experience these obsessive days less and less.
The reason for this is this is that the strong pull you feel towards your twin is often not really about them at all. It’s actually you being pulled by the universe into your own wounding. As you and your twin share the same soul, it is actually luring you into your own shadow side and wounded inner child so you can become aware of your blind spots and heal the underlying wounds creating them. So it stands to reason that once you have healed a lot of your core rejection and abandonment wounds, those obsessive hours, days, weeks or months where you can’t stop thinking about your twin become less and less.
The other reason that you might experience the obsessive pull or strong overpowering feelings towards your twin after you worked through your own core wounds is that you are actually picking up on your twin’s feelings more than your own. From my own experience, I can safely say that I am now in a position where I have more or less worked through those core abandonment and rejection wounds. Therefore when I do suddenly feel a very strong emotion like sadness out of the blue when things are going relatively well in my own life, I can assume that it is my twin’s feelings, and therefore detach from them to become the observer rather than attaching to them as if they were my own.
I believe that it is really important to be able to discern between your own feelings and your twin’s feelings on this journey, and this can also help to detach from any codependency you may be experiencing as well. Once you are at the stage of the journey where you are able to recognise that you have worked through your own core wounds, the ‘obsessive’ days where you feel bound to your twin become less and less, and you become able to identify your own feelings from those of your twin, then you are absolutely nailing this journey and should expect all the good things to start to blossom and grow in your physical reality in divine timing.