Many a twin flame has found themself scratching their head in utter bewilderment, pain and/or frustration at the sudden and often unexpected twists and turns of the twin flame journey that just don’t seem to make any sense.
A common example of this (particularly for feminine energy twins) is coming back into contact with their masculine energy twin after a period of silence, only for them to run again, or for the universe to intervene in some way which immediately creates another separation. This often leaves one or both twins in a state of confusion as to what the heck just happened. The aftermath of this can be feelings of sadness, loss, and abandonment, and/or rejection bubbling to the surface.
Another example is when twins are guided towards a particular path or new opportunity eg. a new job, a new friendship, a new relationship (with someone other than their twin), a new business opportunity, etc, only to find that it falls to pieces in a somewhat dramatic or challenging fashion. This kind of experience can often leave twins feeling like they are doing something wrong or that the journey is too hard and they don’t want to do it anymore. I’ve definitely been there myself, many times!
Whilst these situations can leave twins feeling hurt, exhausted, bewildered, confused, or frustrated (or all of the above) they are also the catalyst for some sort of healing to occur or a significant lesson to be learned. This is exactly what the twin flame journey is all about: soul healing and growth. It’s certainly not an easy path, but if you subscribe to the notion that we have lived many lives prior to our current incarnation, you may also believe that we signed up to have this experience as an eternal soul living in a human body on planet Earth.
I personally subscribe to this and have come into full acceptance that I consciously chose this journey knowing full well that the challenges I handpicked as a soul would help me rise like the Pheonix from the ashes and push me to become the person I am meant to be in this lifetime. It hasn’t been easy getting to this place and there are still times where I get frustrated with it all and want to throw in the towel, but overall I am committed to the path and plan on seeing it all the way through.
The main thing is for us to keep reminding ourselves as twins that almost everything we experience on our journey is deliberately designed to either trigger some healing or to teach us a particular lesson to advance our soul in some way. This is why a lot of things that happen seem to make no logical sense (and they don’t, at least from a mind perspective).
If you take the first example above of the masculine twin suddenly reappearing in the feminine twin’s life momentarily only to leave just as abruptly, this would make no sense to her on a logical and emotional level. She may be thinking, ‘how can this perfect beautiful love that feels like home be shown to me and then taken away in the blink of an eye?’ This is a very natural reaction from a human perspective, but from a soul perspective, it is an incredible opportunity for healing abandonment/rejection wounds which are often triggered as a result.
Twins are also frequently faced with a variety of different challenges within their connection that are uniquely designed, partly so that they can learn the power and longevity of unconditional love. Some examples include significant age gaps in twin flame couplings, opposing cultural or religious upbringing or beliefs, or difficulties in regards to gender identity and sexual preference. Again, if you look at it from a soul perspective these challenges provide unique opportunities for incredible healing and growth.
Yes, these things are difficult, painful, and exhausting to go through as a human being living on Planet Earth, and twins are entitled to feel like it’s all a bit too much sometimes. It’s okay to have days where you hate the journey and you wished you never signed up for it. That’s natural and very human. However, at the end of the day, we have to remember that our journey is our responsibility and that the path to ascension is a lattice and not a ladder.
It’s not a straight path upwards to enlightenment, there are many ups, downs, twists, and unexpected plot twists along the way. It’s all so that we can heal layers of wounding from previous and current incarnations and learn the lessons we need to learn in order to become the very best and most powerful version of ourselves. And if you ask me, despite all the pain, suffering, and heartache, there’s nothing more important in this life than that.
One of the biggest issues a lot of twin flames face is whether seeking support and/or information (support groups, tarot readings, coaching, healing sessions, etc) keeps them in a state of unhealthy attachment and obsession towards their counterpart.
If you have been on the path for some time, you would most likely be aware that one of the main goals for twins is to detach from any expectation of a romantic outcome. It is no wonder that this becomes very confusing when the bulk of information in internet land appears to be centered around what the masculine twin is or isn’t doing, and when the sacred union will likely occur.
You only have to do a Youtube search for ‘twin flames’ to find a multitude of energy check-ins and tarot readings with titles like, ‘the masculine wants to declare his love,’ or ‘union is around the corner.’ A lot of these kinds of titles are intentionally designed as ‘clickbait’ to get more views, likes, and subscribers. It can also be what myself and others have referred to as ‘romantic spiritual porn’ eg. content that is overly focussed on the romantic aspect of the journey which really serves as a catalyst for both twin’s spiritual awakening (at least in the earlier stages of the journey).
Unfortunately, this kind of romantic spiritual porn is most alluring to vulnerable distressed twins desperately seeking reassurance around when their twin will return and commit to them. Most of us have been in this place at one time or another, myself included, so there is absolutely no judgment in saying this!
I suspect that some of the creators of this kind of content are consciously aware that twins in a state of desperation will do almost anything to feel better, and they are actively exploiting this by creating alluring clickbait and romantic spiritual porn. These are the coaches, readers, and healers to try and avoid as they are largely exploiting this vulnerability in order to gain notoriety and make money. The tricky part is that it’s not always easy for twins to identify these types, especially when in an impulsive, triggered, and/or desperate state.
The other complication is that not all of the content behind the clickbait titles is romantic spiritual porn. Some of it is helpful in terms of providing valuable information and insight around spirituality, and the creators have used clickbait titles to draw people in. I don’t personally see anything wrong with this because, in the end, the intention is to assist people in navigating their journey rather than to exploit their vulnerability for personal gain.
This brings me to what I personally feel is the most important element in regards to seeking help and support on the journey: INTENTION. If you find yourself watching tarot reading after tarot reading in an attempt to try and find out when your twin will come back, or when the journey will finally be over so you can stop doing the work, this will likely lead to an endless spiral of clickbait and romantic spiritual porn bingeing.
This kind of obsessive outcome and reassurance-seeking behavior is largely unhealthy, especially if you get stuck in it for a long period of time. It can cause stagnation of epic proportions and ongoing emotional and psychological distress which, in some cases, can lead to long-term depression or anxiety.
Whilst we are meant to experience these states and the associated pain and discomfort as part of our healing and spiritual growth, we are not supposed to get stuck in them for longer periods of time as this can severely stunt our ascension process and lead to mental unwellness.
At the end of the day, there is no black and white answer as to whether seeking support on the twin flame journey keeps you in a state of attachment. Some twin flame teachers support the notion that engaging with any twin flame material is unhealthy and that twins need to ‘detox’ from it and just focus on their own spiritual journey. While I believe this approach definitely has some merit, I don’t feel it’s a ‘one size fits all’ scenario.
Personally, I have benefitted greatly from some of the twin flame support and guidance I have sought over the years. Undoubtedly there have been times where I fell prey to obsessive reassurance-seeking mostly through watching an inordinate number of tarot readings, but I have now transcended this behavior and if I do choose to watch them I do so from a state of detachment and information-seeking around my own spiritual ascension.
As mentioned above, I would suggest that the most important thing is to be aware of your underlying intention around help-seeking at all times- check in with yourself and try to be as honest as you can. If you find yourself obsessively engaging with any type of twin flame support just make sure that you are consciously aware of it and try as hard as you can to put limits and boundaries around it so you don’t fall too far down the assurance seeking rabbit hole.
If you need to walk away from all twin flame material for a while (or altogether) for the sake of your mental, physical and spiritual health then do so, there is nothing more important than that. Conversely, if you need to reach out and share your feelings with like-minded souls, engage with a trusted twin flame support network like a Facebook or Meetup group.
The beauty (and pain) of the journey is that the more and more layers of attachment you heal and release, the more you can start to detach from your physical twin and the potential outcome. This is where the true transformation lies, and as you progress, your outcome seeking behaviour and need for reassurance will continue to decrease as you continue to transcend in your own spiritual ascension.
It’s pretty common on the twin flame path for the feminine twin (often a biological female but not always) to try and step in and help her masculine (often a biological male but not always). She may witness him struggling with challenging circumstances in his life that are only serving to drag him down, but he doesn’t seem able or willing to do anything to help himself.
One of the main reasons that the desire to help is more prevalent for the feminine twin is that the divine feminine energy is associated with nurturance and support, particularly within the context of an intimate connection or relationship. She often experiences pain watching anyone she truly cares about struggling, and she has a deep desire to lend support and be of service. These are beautiful qualities and the world is much better off because of this kind of empathy and compassion.
However, in both twin flame and non-twin flame relationships, the offer to help can go pear-shaped, and the more the feminine tries to offer suggestions, reach out to her masculine, or take action on his behalf, the more he has a tendency to push her away.
This is partly to do with masculine conditioning in our society which only serves to reinforce the notion that men are ‘weak’ if they reach out for help and aren’t able to solve everything on their own.
In a twin flame dynamic, the masculine’s tendency to reject the feminine’s offer of help can often be extreme due to the energetic nature of the connection. Twin flames are so intimately connected that the core intention behind any action taken by one towards the other is felt on a deep intuitive level.
So in essence, your twin flame is like a living breathing lie detector who is tuned in to your core motivation behind everything you do. They can sense when your words and actions are coming from a place of ego or fear, much like you are able to do the same with them. With this in mind, it’s little wonder that it becomes a sh*t show when the feminine twin tries to offer advice or help to her masculine from a place of wanting to “fix” him in the hopes that he is then able to give her what she wants (usually a committed relationship) whether she fully realizes it or not.
This kind of “fixing” mentality derives from codependency which is one of the major shadow traits the feminine twin, in particular, must overcome throughout the journey. It’s also out of resonance with the frequency of unconditional love which is at the core of the twin flame connection, at least in the fifth dimension. Twin flames are here to work through and release their major fears, wounds, and illusions so they can embody the frequency of unconditional love here on the third-dimensional physical plane, and help uplift the planet in the process.
The masculine twin will often run away as soon as he smells even a slight whiff of codependency from the feminine which may then trigger her to chase him, resulting in him running even further. At this stage, there is nothing she can do but stop the chase and redirect her focus back to herself, even if it’s extremely difficult or painful for her to do so.
It can still be challenging for feminine twins to witness their masculine going through turbulent times and not being able to help even once she has largely overcome any codependency. By this stage of the journey, she is consciously aware that it is not her place to intervene, and that her masculine must learn how to navigate his own journey as part of his soul growth and learning.
By this point, she has developed and integrated a lot of her own divine masculine energy and therefore understands the importance of healthy interpersonal boundaries which not only serve to protect her from others but prevent her from overstepping the mark to try and save others. She has gained wisdom through her journey and now she knows that she must step aside and let her masculine fight his own battles no matter how difficult it is for her to witness him in pain.
At the end of the day, she has learned that she is not anyone’s personal Jesus, least of all her masculine. She knows that she must surrender any desire to help even if this means watching him make the same mistakes over and over so he is pushed to stand up in his own divinity and reclaim his authentic masculine power. She knows this because she too was pushed by her masculine to become the hero of her own story and stand up in her own beautiful fierce authenticity as the divine feminine super badass that she is.
It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything.
He further notes that it is like a death of the false sense of self, the ego-mind which we have been conditioned to believe is our true self. In this way, it is kind of a death that you experience so your false sense of self can be broken down and you can ultimately be reborn like a Pheonix rising from the ashes. The DNOTS can be triggered in a variety of different ways including deep meditation, taking ayahuasca (and other psychedelic medicines), or the death of a loved one. If it sounds really painful and confusing, that’s because it is!
In a twin flame dynamic, the masculine twin (usually a biological male but not always) often triggers the feminine twin (usually a biological female but not always) into her DNOTS first as ‘she’ is the leader in the connection whether she consciously realizes it or not. This is because the feminine energy is more in tune with her intuition which essentially means she is more connected to the higher realms (spirit, God, or other deity depending on what you believe) and is, therefore, more equipped than the masculine to navigate through the unknown.
The way in which the masculine triggers the feminine’s DNOTS often involves some kind of abandonment, rejection, or deception. For instance, he may suddenly break off the relationship with little warning, deny or dismiss the connection or become involved with a third party. Alternatively, the feminine might walk away from the relationship only to find that she has triggered her own DNOTS through the sudden separation.
These kinds of scenarios are often painful in a non-twin flame dynamic and can understandably cause significant pain and heartbreak. In a twin flame dynamic, they can be excruciatingly painful due to the intense energetic connection the twin’s share which runs very deep- everything is magnified in a twin flame connection. This is how the twins become the catalyst for each other’s spiritual awakening.
Many a feminine twin flame has found herself reacting in extreme ways to her twin’s behavior, or putting up with things that she just wouldn’t stand for in any other relationship. She can often feel like she is at the mercy of her twin’s every move and that she has no power in the dynamic. This can cause her a lot of anger, frustration, and regret that she even met him in the first place.
Of course, all of this stuff is painful as f***k from a human perspective, and it’s understandable that the feminine twin might feel all kinds of resentment towards her masculine and the divine for putting her in this position in the first place. This is a very common feeling for feminine twins suddenly finding themselves in the thick of the DNOTS. I certainly found myself experiencing all sorts of challenging feelings and impulses during my own initial DNOTS!
However, from a higher soul perspective, this stage of the journey is crucial so that the feminine (and eventually the masculine) can start to shed all of her false sense of self- her illusions, her fears, and her ego-self. For instance, before she met her twin she may have had a very set image of how she wanted her life to go based on what society has told her she should do. For a lot of feminine twins, this may involve finding a man to support her, getting married, working her way up in her career (or being a housewife), and having children.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of this if it is genuinely what you are have chosen for yourself from a conscious place of awareness. However, a lot of people have been conditioned by society, their culture, and/or their family to believe that this is what they want from life and that anything outside of this somehow makes them incomplete. This is not something that many people are consciously aware of – this is how conditioning works, it’s subtle and insidious. We are placed under a microscope of societal expectations from the moment we are born until the day we die.
It’s important to note that we also have free will, so even if as souls we agreed to meet our twin flame and experience a soul awakening we can choose to reject that path and go in a different direction. However, the issue with this is that it’s often fraught with difficulty, and once your awakening is triggered by your twin, you will likely find that you may experience significant challenges if you continue to make choices from your old sense of self rather than from your soul.
So it’s almost like you’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t. If you’re finding yourself in this place, the universe has got you right where it wants you. It may feel unjust, unfair, and all kinds of wrong but I promise you that it will get better and you will start to see how truly remarkable it is to live a life full of meaning, purpose, and awareness that most people won’t get to experience in this lifetime.
Many twin flames report a sense of frustration on the quest to find help and support on the journey. It seems that the hunt to find reliable, trustworthy, and credible information can often trigger anger and confusion amongst the collective. Many a twin flame has found themselves scratching their head in bewilderment at what to believe and who to listen to, especially when it comes to the twin flame tarot readers, many of whom appear to channel a different collective every week.
Along with the tarot readers, there is an array of services available including quantum healing, twin flame coaching, akashic records healing, and reiki and emotional release sessions. Some healers recommend doing as many as possible whilst others encourage us to be selective and go with our intuition around what feels right.
On top of this, there are a few examples of truly questionable twin flame groups that appear to hold a cult-like quality. This is always a confronting and scary scenario because cults pray on some of the most vulnerable people in society, and misuse power to gain control, money, and status often at the expense of their member’s safety. Let’s face it, twin flames are often in a vulnerable state and may be willing to do almost anything to stop the pain and confusion.
With all of this going on, it’s not surprising that a lot of twins are feeling all kinds of pissed off at the twin flame industry. Cults aside there is no doubt that there are some twin flame healers, readers, and coaches whose primary objective is making money above all else. However, I do feel that the majority are coming from a genuine place of wanting to be of service.
There is still the notion in the spiritual community that if you help people you shouldn’t profit from it. This belongs to the old paradigm way of thinking which creates a divide between profit and being of service. Eg. you are either a ‘spiritual’ person who helps people from the goodness of your heart, or you are a greedy capitalist who just wants to rip people off. As twin flames, we are here to break down these binary categories that only serve to reinforce judgment and hierarchy.
As mentioned above, one of the main frustrations for twins is difficulty finding consistent and reliable support and information to help navigate the path. This is understandable as it is a very unique, confusing, and often painful journey that completely challenges our core beliefs and preconceived notions about love and life. It is no wonder that there is sometimes a lot of despair, anger, and frustration for twins, myself included. I am certainly not immune and have experienced my fair share of it.
However, it is this very anger and confusion felt by the collective that is reflecting one of the major spiritual lessons of the journey. Much like the helping people versus making a profit paradigm explored above, it is exposing one of our biggest old school beliefs around looking to authority figures for guidance and answers rather than tuning into our intuition. We have been conditioned from a young age to listen to, follow, and even sometimes obey the authority figures in our lives – parents, teachers, police officers, government officials, and so on.
In this way, our god-given power has been taken away from us often without our conscious awareness. This is the insidious nature of our cultural and societal conditioning- we have been brainwashed in so many subtle ways from the moment of birth throughout our human lifespan. It is little wonder then that we have lost faith in our intuition, or we have just forgotten how to tune into it. This is the sad reality- whatever you don’t use, you lose. Much like we lose our fitness if we don’t work out regularly. The more our intuition lies dormant, the more we become estranged from it.
It is little wonder that in this state of estrangement we become narky with the twin flame industry for failing to give us the answers we think we need to understand the journey, control it, and put it in a nice little neat box. Twin flame coaches, healers, and readers are sometimes criticized for a variety of things including telling lies about the journey, not providing enough clarity, not offering the right kinds of services, charging too much for services, and so on. Whilst these things may be true in some cases it can sometimes be a case of misplaced aggression from the consumer.
Despite a few bad eggs, I believe the majority of twin flame healers, coaches, and readers have pure intentions and are trying their best with their own unique capacity. There is certainly a place for professional help on the twin flame path, especially when you are experiencing upheavals, or when you are feeling stuck and you are not sure how to move forward. I’m also not just saying this because I happen to be a twin flame coach. I have worked with several twin flame healers and coaches myself who have very helpful, apart from the rare exception.
I also feel that the type of experience you have is partly dependent on your frame of mind at the time of help-seeking. If you are in a somewhat impulsive and desperate state, you are more likely to choose someone that offers ‘same day’ or emergency support. In my experience, these are often the types of services that are looking to make a quick buck from vulnerable people rather than having your best interest in mind.
The reality is that you aren’t going find one healer, coach, or reader that has all the insight and support you may be looking for. At the same time, it is likely that all of the information you seek is out there. If you look far and wide enough, you will likely find it but you will probably need to work with a variety of different healers, coaches, and readers throughout your journey.
It is also a natural part of the process that you may work with a particular healer or follow a specific reader only to find that you no longer resonate with them further down the track. There will always be someone to take their place, and this is both a blessing and a curse on the journey. It’s important to utilise help if you are really struggling, but it’s equally as important to not become dependent on it when you could be using your internal guidance system. It is easy to become lazy and form an addiction to external guidance.
Like most things on the path, the onus comes back on us to temper our ego and find a healthy balance. As twin flames, we are here to overcome and shed our limiting conditioning, false beliefs, and past baggage/emotional wounding. Sometimes this may involve the help of a skilled professional and other times we may need to find our own way through the storm of uncertainty and confusion.
The most important thing is to learn to listen to and trust your intuition- she is your trusted guide and a testament to just how amazing and powerful you really are.
Many divine feminines on the twin flame path (myself included) have asked themselves, ‘What is so divine about the divine masculine? Why do I still feel so much love for him even though he often acts like such an ass?’
Let’s face it, as a feminine twin flame, you can be subject to some shady s**t from your divine masculine including but not limited to: ghosting, blocking, hot and cold behaviour, cheating, lying, deception, rejection, abandonment, and so on. Many a feminine twin flame has found ‘herself’ scratching her head in utter bewilderment, confusion, or even excruciating pain in the aftermath of receiving this kind of treatment.
Often the default reaction of the feminine in these circumstances is to question herself and wonder what she could have done to warrant this kind of behaviour from her divine counterpart. When she comes up empty, she turns the frustration on ‘him’, and may even find herself in a state of rage toward him for having treated her so poorly.
The truth here is that whilst there is often a LOT of passion and romance in the initial stages of twin flame coupling, the bulk of the journey is not actually about romance at all. This is something the divine feminine in particular often refuses to accept.
What tends to unfold for the majority of twin flames is that they enter what is called the “bubble love phase” after the initial meeting in which both twins feel the intense attraction for one another, and a sense of being at ‘home’ with the other.
This phase usually doesn’t last very long (around one to six months) and is often brutally disrupted by the masculine twin (embodied by a biological male or female) who starts to freak out at the sheer intensity of the connection and begins to pull away.
The feminine twin (embodied by a biological female or male) senses him pulling away which triggers her abandonment and rejection wounds and she becomes aggressive, chasing after him and demanding answers. This causes the masculine to run often resulting in him blocking her on some or all forms of contact.
This is often where the feminine twin enters into her ‘dark night of the soul‘ because the energies between twin flames are so deep and powerful. Thus the masculine becomes the catalyst to kick start the feminine’s awakening.
It’s important to note here that the feminine twin always starts to awaken first, as ‘she’ is the one more connected to her intuition and to spirit, and is, therefore, more equipped to navigate through the darkness and the unknown- even if she may not be consciously aware of it.
One of the biggest issues for the feminine twin to overcome is her attachment to commitment and romance with her masculine as the be-all and end of the entire journey. It’s a paradox- the more she chases after it, demands it, or tries to make it happen via a variety of manipulative tactics, the more it slips from her grasp, and he retreats further and further away from her.
This is also part of the reason why the masculine engages in certain aforementioned challenging behaviors towards her. He can feel her attachment and this repels him energetically often resulting in the ‘push/pull’ dynamic that has become so iconic of the twin flame journey.
Now, I’m certainly not pointing the finger at the feminine and blaming her for the masculine’s poor behaviour. The way a person behaves towards another is a direct reflection of their level of emotional and psychological maturity. There are certainly masculine twins out there who have not reacted to their feminine by blocking, ignoring, or ghosting her, and instead have respectfully asserted healthy boundaries.
However, it seems that the vast majority of masculine twin flames do engage in some form of these challenging behaviours towards their feminine counterpart. This is often where his wounded pride and ego rear their ugly head, resulting in these shadow behaviours.
By far, one of the biggest challenges the masculine twin must overcome is the avoidance of his emotions, including but not limited to the intense love he feels for his feminine. Many masculine twin flames downplay their feelings for their twin (or even outright deny them altogether) and numb the pain and emptiness with alcohol, food, sex, and other vices. This kind of avoidance wreaks havoc in the connection, and in their lives in general.
Many masculine twins also have a tendency to take the feminine twin for granted whilst denying the existence of the connection. In his unawakened state, he doesn’t believe she will ever walk away and therefore doesn’t show much (or any) respect towards her in the physical world. This often brings up her wounds around abandonment and rejection.
It is usually not until the feminine twin walks away (often after reaching her limit with the masculine’s behaviour) that he is thrust into his own ‘dark night of the soul’ and he is forced to deal with the pain her departure brings up in him. It is ultimately the complete loss of the feminine that leads him to reflect on his behaviour and life choices, and ultimately realize what he has lost.
It may be very difficult for the feminine to walk away due to her deep love for her masculine, but it is an essential part of the journey so that both twins can learn to stand independently on their own without each other.
You might think that loving your twin unconditionally is ALWAYS feeling love and saying yes, but unconditional love is also loving someone enough to not put up with their sh*t. It’s being able to see them for who they really are – the good, the bad, and the ugly and inspiring them to live up to the highest expression of themselves.
Sarbriye Ayana, The Twin Flame Tribe
From a human perspective, all of this challenging behaviour can be extremely frustrating and painful. Many a feminine twin flame has thrown their hands up in the air in sheer desperation begging the powers that be to sever the connection with their masculine and let them off the twin flame merry go round of horrors. I know I’ve certainly been there! It’s a hot mess of epic proportions and can sometimes feel like some great big cosmic joke.
Despite the immense difficulty and often excruciating pain that the masculine brings to the connection, it is this very behaviour that kicks starts the feminine’s ascension process and ultimately forces her to become the person she is meant to be in this lifetime. She is broken down so that she can rise reborn like a Pheonix from the ashes loving and peaceful with a drive to be of service to humankind.
I’ve noticed that one of the major issues that is still largely misunderstood in Western culture is the distinction between sex and gender.
As a graduate in Gender Studies and a Counsellor who has worked with a wide variety of clients struggling with gender identity, I feel I can speak with some level of understanding and experience around this matter.
Sex is a purely biological distinction, so you can be born as a biological male, female, or intersex. Gender, on the other hand, is largely a cultural construct that actually has very little to do with biological sex.
We have been heavily conditioned (at least here in the West) to believe that certain qualities, traits, and behaviours are intrinsically “male” or “female.” For instance, a lot of people might assume that if you are born a biological male, then you should behave in stereotypically “masculine” ways as part of your gender identity and vice versa if you are born a biological female.
For example, the stereotype that women ‘should’ want to get married and have children is still thrown around whether we are aware of it or not. The image of the ‘barren spinster’ aka single, childless woman over forty surrounded by 101 cats still pervades popular culture and is then reinforced by the masses in gossipy exchanges between friends, family, and partners.
There is also the pervasive stereotype of the hyper-feminine male who exudes stereotypical qualities specifically reserved for women such as kindness, empathy, and nurturance. If a man is seen as possessing too much of these qualities, he is instantly branded as “gay” as if homosexuality somehow equates to possessing feminine strengths and qualities.
These kinds of stereotypes are still pervasive and can be quite degrading and damaging. A lot of people who are born as a biological male or female don’t conform to their designated gender identities.
In spiritual truth, gender identity doesn’t really exist, as it is a classification that keeps us in separation and division. Conversely, the essence of authentic spirituality is that we are all one regardless of race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, or any other dualistic categorisation. It is also more about whether one possesses divine masculine or feminine energy.
Just to be clear, divine is really just a fancy spiritual word for ‘pure’. So when we talk about divine masculine and feminine energy, it really just means masculinity and femininity in its highest and purest form. This is opposite to distorted or wounded masculine and feminine energy which is largely a result of our past wounds, fears, and illusions and often manifest in the form of our shadow. You can read more about this in my previous article Transform the Distorted.
Divine feminine qualities include intuition, communication, nurturance, receptivity, creativity, surrender, and emotional expression are all associated with divine feminine energy. On the other hand, qualities such as protectiveness, groundedness, assertiveness, leadership, and providing (or giving) are more associated with divine masculine energy.
We all have masculine and feminine energies within us regardless of our biological gender. I think this is often where the distinction between sex and gender gets heavily misunderstood.
This is also where the twin flame journey provides a perfect contradiction of this false distinction between sex and gender in our society. There are many twin flame couples where the more masculine twin is a biological female, or the feminine twin is a biological male.
There are also many same-sex twin flame couplings where one twin carries more of the masculine energy regardless of their biological sex, and the other carries more of the feminine energy regardless of their biological sex. In addition to this, there are twin flame couples in which one or both twins are transgendered.
At the end of the day, gender identity, especially on the twin flame path is irrelevant and regarded as a manmade construct. The true work for twin flames lies in healing, strengthening, and balancing their divine masculine and feminine qualities within so that they can become the best, self-actualised version of themselves and step boldly into their mission to be of service to humanity and help uplift the planet in the process.
As I move further and further along my twin flame path, I’m becoming more and more aware of the many intricate layers the journey has to offer. It is indeed a multi-layered and complex interplay between the 5D (the unseen or metaphysical world) and the 3D (the physical Earthly world that we physically inhabit and can see with our naked human eyes).
There are too many complexities to be covered in one article and do them all-sufficient justice. So with this in mind, I will be only be covering two in this piece. Stay tuned for future articles as I will continue exploring all of these complexities to provide clarity and support for anyone struggling to understand why certain things are happening on their twin flame path.
Playing out Old Scripts
One of the major things I’ve learned about the journey is that twin flames are here to heal and release old negative templates and scripts particularly in regards to how men and women (or masculine and feminine energy) interact with each other. To successfully do this, twins need to embody and play out these scripts as part of their physical reality to transcend them and replace them with unconditional love and radical acceptance.
Several old templates are repeatedly played out. For those who embody more of the feminine energy (often embodied by a biological female, but not always) this relates to deep-seated core wounds around feeling disregarded by the masculine, feeling like a perpetual victim and thus feelings of resentment and anger towards men and those carrying more of the masculine energy.
We can see this play out particularly in intimate relationships where the feminine counterpart often complains that her masculine counterpart routinely ignores her, is insensitive to her feelings, dismisses her attempts to connect more meaningfully with him, and so on. This pattern occurs at varying degrees for different people according to their circumstances, but it’s a fairly consistent pattern across the globe.
For those carrying the masculine energy (often embodied by a biological male but not always), there is a common template or stereotype in which “he” feels trapped by the feminine, bound by her expectations that he feels he is unable to meet. His ego tells him to be selfish and disregard her needs, which only leads him to feel guilt and regret for his resulting actions in the long run.
This distorted script in which the feminine is associated with victimhood and the masculine is associated with persecution that has been repeated over and over throughout human history and is still being enacted in a variety of different interpersonal relationships and collective contexts to this day.
This kind of pattern is often played out between the masculine and feminine in twin flame connections with the sole purpose of transmuting and transcending it for good. The divine universal plan is for twin flames strategically placed around the globe to work through these distorted templates by reenacting them so they can then teach others about the power of unconditional love. Such a beautiful vision when you think about it. Of course, re-enacting these patterns in your dynamic is often no picnic, but when you can take a step back and look at the grand plan, it’s very humbling important work.
The Feminine Leads into the Abyss
Another major aspect of the twin flame journey that is often misunderstood or ignored is that the feminine energy is the leader in the connection. This is because “she” is more connected to her intuition and to therefore to divine energy (eg spirit, God, or however you choose to identify it). Therefore it is her role in the connection to take the initial leap of faith into the unknown using nothing but her intuition and perhaps some spiritual guidance from coaches, healers, or twin flame readers.
This can often be quite scary and daunting, as there is no roadmap, it is mostly a huge exercise in re-inventing the wheel so to speak. She needs to find the courage within to be the fearless leader and do whatever she needs to do to move forward on her ascension journey rather than getting stuck in an endless loop of chasing her masculine counterpart and beating against a door that is likely only partly open if not completely slammed shut.
In Layman’s terms, this means that the feminine has to find the strength within herself to walk away from her masculine if needs be, with the knowledge and the faith that the connection she shares with her counterpart is eternal and is never going to dissipate even if there is no physical contact in the material world. She needs to shine the spotlight in the dark first for herself, but also her masculine as the feminine energy is designed for this very purpose.
This often means she has to break through her gendered conditioning and refocus her time and energy back onto herself rather than looking to her masculine to take this lead. This is just not the way it works, and there are many feminine twins (myself included) who have at times given away their innate power by sitting around waiting for their masculine counterpart to take up the reins and navigate the way forward through the unknown.
Unfortunately, if you do this as a feminine twin for any length of time, it just means that you will likely get stuck in a rut in your own life and the connection with your counterpart. Trust me, I’ve been there myself on more than one occasion. This journey is expertly designed to bring out your inner badass divine goddess warrior biatch so that you can transcend all of the outdated paradigms that truly can become the heroine and creator of your own dream life rather than waiting on anyone (especially your masculine) to do it for you.
So there you have it, two very significant elements that are uniquely characteristic of the twin flame journey in all its complexity. I hope this article has helped to provide some clarity on your journey, especially if you find yourself in a state of utter bewilderment scratching your head at the whole thing and thinking, ‘what the hell is this shit all about??”
Stay tuned for Part 2 where I will be discussing how the feminine can often transmute negative energies for the masculine, and the role that the masculine plays in the connection and with his feminine to help her rise into her full strength and power.
In this article, I will be talking about the importance of intuition on the twin flame journey, the difference between the ‘3D’ and the ‘5D,’ and the consequences for confusing the two. I will also be covering what it means to find a healthy balance between the physical and the metaphysical, and the subtle but important distinction between ‘waiting’ versus ‘holding space.’
Learning to Trust Your Intuition
If you are the twin carrying more of the feminine energy (embodied by either by biological male or female), then you will probably be well aware that one of the main tasks required of you is to “surrender” and “let go” of your twin flame instead of holding onto them so tightly and expecting a romantic outcome.
There are a lot of articles and Youtube videos that talk about this, so it’s not like there is a lack of information on the subject. However, I feel like a lot of these messages get misunderstood, partly because they are conveyed through ‘fluffy’ spiritual language that sounds great on paper, but is very hard to grasp from an intellectual level.
This is exactly where the paradox lies, because the concepts of ‘surrendering’ ‘letting go’ and ‘holding space’ are by nature very intuitive, and therefore hard to convey in words. I suspect that this is the reason why most of these resources use ‘fluffy’ spiritual language in the first place. These concepts are hard to describe on an intellectual level, and it’s not until you FEEL them on a deep intuitive level that you truly get what they are banging on about.
However, the problem here is that until you have been on the journey for some time, and you are in tune with your intuition to a certain degree, you will most likely be trying to understand these concepts from an intellectual perspective, and continuously feeling confused when these concepts just don’t seem to make sense or resonate on a deeper level.
Some twins are naturally more intuitive than others and don’t need to spend as much time developing and learning to trust their innate intuitive powers. However, for the majority of feminine twins, it takes time, tough love lessons, and emotional growth to fully accept and nurture their intuitive powers, myself included. It’s only in the last six months that I’ve really come to understand just how intuitive I am on a very deep level, and to fully open up to it and trust it completely.
I’m certainly not attempting to shame anyone for not being as in tune with their intuition as others- I would be berating myself if this were the case. The lack of trust and faith in our intuition as super badass feminine warriors is very much a product of the outdated patriarchal paradigm we are working so hard as twins to help humanity overcome.
The importance and power of the feminine power of intuition and what an amazing gift it is to humanity has been diminished for centuries in favour of predominately masculine strengths around logic and reason. Unfortunately, this has caused a lot of feminines to deny and doubt their intuitive gifts. The truth is that neither intuition nor logic and reason is more important than the other. They are both have an equally important part to play in healing and advancing humanity in a plethora of positive ways.
Learning to Balance the 5D and the 3D
As a feminine twin flame, one of your major tasks is to learn how to successfully navigate and balance the physical reality with the metaphysical. In a lot of twin flame resources, these two worlds are often referred to as the ‘3D’ (the physical world around us which we can physically touch, taste, feel and see) and the ‘5D’ (the world we can only sense and feel intuitively with our third eye). So, at any one time, we need to find a balance between these two worlds.
We need to learn to strike a healthy balance between these two worlds. This is a large part of our mission as spiritual beings on the twin flame path- we are here to bring down the visions and guidance we receive through our intuition onto Earth to make them a physical reality.
This is what it means when you read that the twin flame mission is about ‘bringing heaven down to Earth.’ To do this, we need to get the balance between our physical world and intuition right. If you get bogged down in the 3D drama with your twin, it can result in endless cycles of conflict and loss.
However, if you get fixated on the 5D, you can become very ungrounded and easily get stuck in fantasy land. This often results in feminine twins becoming very disillusioned when the physical reality with her twin doesn’t measure up to what she can see and sense in the 5D.
A good example of this is when ‘she’ can intuitively see her masculine’s higher self in his full divine masculine power – strong and stable with just the perfect amount of vulnerability. She gets confused and projects this vision onto her physical masculine, and gets a huge shock when she reaches out to him only to be ignored, dismissed, or spoken to with harsh words. This is because he hasn’t yet risen into his highest potential which she can feel and sense so strongly through her third eye. Some feminines can get stuck in this cycle for years, and it can cause a lot of extra pain and heartache.
To sum up, the first thing here is for the feminine twin to become fully aware that she has this unique intuitive ability, and to learn to trust it, which is often one of the hardest soul lessons she is faced with. Trust me, the universe will keep testing you on this one over and over until you finally give in and decide to trust your intuition for good, instead of continually going back and forth between moments of faith and doubt. These are the times where you find yourself desperately scouring social media for physical proof that your feelings about your twin are reciprocated, and that you’re not just a basket case.
The second is for her is to recognise that the higher self version of her masculine that she is feeling and sensing is probably not an accurate representation of where he is at in the physical. Unless you are seeing concrete physical proof that ‘he’ is embodying his divine masculinity, then it is probably safe to say that he is not there yet. I have made this mistake many times on my journey only to become confused and bitterly disappointed upon realising that my physical twin was not matching up to what I could see with my third eye.
Waiting vs Holding Space
Before I go any further, I think it’s really important to note that there are no quick fixes on the twin flame journey. If you’ve been on the path for awhile, you’ve probably heard this said before and rolled your eyes, I know I certainly have!
Despite the annoyance, it is one of the most important truths to fully accept and understand on the journey, or you will just end up banging your head against a brick wall over and over again in sheer frustration. It’s better to just bite the bullet and spare yourself the agony by accepting that there is no such thing as instant gratification on the twin flame path. If you feel that you can’t accept it, you may just be better off walking away and finding a soulmate. Sorry to be super direct, but it is the truth!
There can be a tendency for feminine twins, in particular, to be in a kind of waiting energy hoping that their masculine will finally wake up, recognise the significance of the connection and charge towards her proclaiming his undying love and promising to be loving and committed until the end of time.
She prizes this above everything else in her life, even if she is not consciously aware of it, which results in her putting some or all plans on hold until her masculine commits to her. This is the very definition of waiting on the twin flame path, and it’s what ultimately ends in frustration, bitterness, pain, and disappointment for the feminine twin.
Again, I’m certainly not judging- we’ve all been there, myself included! It’s also important to note that not you can be out there living your life and ‘getting on with things’ while there is still a part of you that is waiting. It’s all about energy, and if there is the slightest bit of waiting energy in your system, the universe and your divine counterpart will sniff it out. There is no hiding on the journey, as much as we would all like to think so at times.
Holding space on the other hand is not putting yourself on hold to wait for your twin in any way, whether that be physically, emotionally, psychologically, or energetically. It involves charging ahead with your own life and taking action to reach your own goals, developing yourself, growing spiritually, etc.
It doesn’t mean going to the opposite extreme and completely cutting them off and moving on because you literally can’t do this in a twin flame connection. No matter how many times you try and do this, you will always be magnetically drawn back to them, even if you don’t want to be.
Holding space means holding them in your heart and having a love for them but not waiting around for them, expecting them to behave in a certain way for you to love them. However, this doesn’t mean you should put up with bad behaviour either. If they are treating you unfairly, you must firmly and respectfully put up boundaries and gain the courage to walk away. You can still love them for afar without physically being in their love or taking any action towards them.
To do this effectively, you need to be at a point where you have worked on letting go of your unhealthy attachment to your twin. It’s this attachment that can keep you stuck in unhelpful black and white thinking patterns – “should I stay or just cut them off completely?” In Layman’s terms, it’s kind of like that feeling when you have spent some time healing after a difficult relationship breakup, and you suddenly realise you have moved on and that you feel neutral about your ex, but you also can reflect positively on what you learnt from the relationship.
It’s also important to note that letting go of attachment is not a one-time thing. There are often layers of attachment to work through. The universe will never make you tackle it all at once as this would be too overwhelming. Sometimes you will be assisted by the lunar cycles to release old pain – full moons are often a huge time of emotional release for a lot of twins, so it’s often not something you have to try and do on your own. It can be really hard to access old repressed pain without some sort of help, so the divine often steps in in this way to help bring it up to the surface so you can purge it.
There will be times that you need to make the very conscious choice to focus on yourself and keep moving on your path no matter what. These are usually times that you feel really fixated on your twin and stuck around how to move forward. It’s important to set the intention for the get-go that you are going to make the journey about your healing and your empowerment instead of about trying to get together with your twin. If it’s meant to be, it will be. In the meantime, you have a life to live and things to do so it’s best to get busy with that and mean it rather than just doing it to attract your twin.
At the same time, you must make room in your life to do your spiritual and emotional work. You can’t expect to become more spiritually enlightened and shed layers of unhealthy attachment if you are too busy with work or distracting yourself with other things. Yes, career and work are important, but your spiritual work is just as important, and I would even argue more important, depending on where you are in your journey.
You also can’t expect anything to happen if you just spend your time doing visualisations and meditating. Whilst these things are important for manifestation and to look within for answers, it won’t result in much if you don’t take any inspired action to make your goals and dreams come into fruition.
So again, it’s a balancing act. Like most things on the spiritual path, multiple truths are happening simultaneously, and they are all as valid as each other. We must learn to get our head around this and learn to balance on this tightrope as twin flames. A large part of the work we do is breaking free from the black and white ways of thinking and operating in the world.
Ultimately, the journey particularly for the feminine twin is about rising into her full power very much like the Pheonix rising from the ashes. She is a superwoman badass supreme. She is magnetic, strong, courageous, fierce, compassionate, creative, empathetic, determined, and extremely beautiful on a very deep soul level.