The Manifestation Malfunction

It’s recently come to my attention that there is a flip side to this whole positive manifestation business. In one of my early articles, ‘Is the Law of Attraction Even Real?, I spoke about the basic premise behind this universal rule.

Essentially it boils down to the notion that whatever beliefs, fears, wounds or illusions we carry around within our emotional pain body are reflected back to us in our physical everyday reality, or as the famous Hermes Trismegistus quote states: “As above, so below, as within, so without, as the universe, so the soul…”

I very much subscribe to this notion, and have been able to see it in action as I have progressed on my own awakening journey. However, I’ve noticed that the whole thing can take somewhat of a sour turn, resulting in undesirable circumstances, especially the very circumstances you were hoping to avoid. I’ve learnt that it really does depend on what your core intentions were when you sent your wishes out to the universe.

Let’s say for example that you have a pattern of working jobs that leave you feeling unappreciated and unvalued, and you decide that enough is enough: “I want respect and validation god dammit!” Or you repeatedly attract unavailable partners who leave you feeling like you are unloveable, so you bend over backwards trying to be the ‘perfect’ partner to prove that you are worthy of a mate who will stick around for more than a hot minute.

What transpires is that you end up attracting a job that seems to provide you with the respect and validation you crave, or you finally attract a partner who says and does all the right things to indicate that they’re in it for the long haul. However, this is where things can start to go haywire.. a colleague at your new ‘perfect’ job undermines you, and your ‘reliable’ new partner suddenly ghosts you with little or no explanation, leaving you feeling a little like this..

This is where the manifestation malfunction kicks in. Despite the fact that you initially seemed to attract the perfect job and a devoted partner, it has all fallen to shit in the most spectacular fashion, leaving you feeling even more depleted and cynical than before.

This is because you haven’t addressed the core issues that have kept you stuck in negative cycles, attracting the same circumstances over and over in different packaging.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m certainly not pointing the hand of judgement. I’ve experienced many manifestation malfunctions on my own journey that have left me in states of frustration, exasperation and utter hopelessness. I’m certainly not immune to shaking my fist in anger at the universe for ‘punishing’ me. I mean, haven’t I been through enough already? Give me a freaking break for just a damn minute!

However, when the dust settled and I returned to a state of relative normalcy, I could reflect on the lessons that were being presented to me through these challenges. I realised that these experiences are all part of my soul’s plan to get me to wake up, smell the coffee and heal those wounds that I wanted to avoid like Jehovah’s Witnesses at your door on a Sunday morning.

The real learning and growth lies in one’s willingness to face the core issues that are being highlighted through these manifestation malfunctions. Everyone’s journey is different and we are faced with obstacles that are unique to our soul’s growth and evolution. However, there are three main fears embedded in the collective human psyche: fear of not being good enough, fear not not being loved and fear of not belonging.

If we are able to identify which one of these fears are being highlighted through our manifestation malfunctions, we can trace them back to those painful past experiences which have lead to those fears. Then we can work on releasing and healing our repressed pain. Although it can be a difficult exercise, it can also be empowering to take control in this way and leave us with a strong sense of, ‘I got this!’

And yes indeed, you do.

50 Shades of Relationships

Okay so maybe there’s not exactly fifty shades of relationships, but there definitely is a variety of different types, both from a traditional psychological standpoint, and from a spiritual standpoint. I will be looking more at soul based connections in this article, as I believe that that these kind of templates can provide us with valuable learning, and add significantly to our personal growth.


The first type of connection that many people may be familiar with are referred to as karmic relationships. The majority of people have found themselves in a karmic relationship at least once in this lifetime. These kinds of connections aren’t exclusively romantic either, they can develop or exist with family members, friends, colleagues or aquaintances.

Generally speaking, we engage in karmic relationships in our lives in order to teach us important life lessons, or to make us realise dysfunctional and/or unhealthy things about ourselves that need to be addressed. These kinds of relationships can assist us by providing a platform for us to play out these shadow or rejected sides of ourselves in order for us to recognise the underlying issues and heal them at the source. These kinds of issues often stem back from childhood or earlier on in our lives.

Examples of these kinds of problems include emotional unavailability, co-dependency, addiction or control. The kinds of associated behaviours with these issues may include things like stonewalling, chasing, avoiding intimacy, hot and cold behaviour, neediness or self medicating with substances and/or compulsive behaviours.. . Yeah, you guessed it.. karmic relationships can often be quite toxic.

Karmic relationships can play a major part in the lives of many people, and they can find themselves in these kind of situations repeatedly, replaying the same dynamics over and over with different people like Groundhog Day . This happens when someone is unable or unwilling to look at the issues that have arisen within their partnership, learn the lessons, heal the wounds and choose a healthier pattern of behaviour in the next relationship.


In contrast to karmic relationships, soulmate relationships can be harmonious, may be accompanied by a feeling of ease, and a sense of being ‘at home’ when in the presence of the other. Unlike karmic relationships, this kind of connection is not toxic, but may involve some triggering between the two parties. The primary function of the triggering within soulmate connections is to shine a mirror on our shadow side, so we can first recognise it within ourselves and get to the source of the wound to clear it out.

However, unlike karmic relationships, the mirroring and consequent triggering that can occur within soulmate relationships comes from a place of unconditional love and respect for the other, rather than a place of co-dependency or control. Similar to karmic relationships, soulmate relationships are not always romantic in nature, and can come in many forms such as friendships or mentor/student relationships. Soulmate connections can be as brief as a conversation between two like minded souls, or a relationship that spans for decades.


Now, twin flame relationships can be extremely passionate, loving, tender and extremely painful all at the same time. There are multiple theories about twin flames.. some say that they are two people who share the same soul, whilst others disregard this notion, claiming that twin flames (or twin souls) are two people with the exact same vibrational blueprint, which essentially means that they are intimately connected, often through telepathy which enables them to pick up on each other’s thoughts and feelings, even when physically separated and not in any kind of communication.

I know you might be thinking that this is just some kind of make believe gobblety goop, and a connection like this couldn’t possibly exist between two human beings living on planet Earth. And I would completely and undeniably agree with you if I hadn’t experienced it for myself.. but that’s a whole other article which I will unleash at a later stage…

Despite the difference of opinions around whether twin flames share the same soul, one thing is clear; twin flames relationships can be intense in every way. There are generally several different stages of a twin flame relationship which vary in degree and length for every twin flame couple. Similar to karmic and soulmate relationships, twin flame relationships are not always romantic in nature, although they do tend to be more often than not due to the intensity of the connection between the pair.

Not long after the initial meeting, they enter what is typically referred to as the ‘bubble love stage’ which basically feels like heaven on Earth, the ultimate meeting of mind, body and soul between two people. This is often short lived due to a major disruption between the pair which leads one or both parties to run from the connection and often deny its existence.

The runner twin (often the male) is often hotly pursued by the chaser (often the female). This results in a push pull dynamic playing out between the pair in which all of their fears wounds, illusions and conditioning are triggered to the surface through the actions of each twin towards the other. In this way, twin flames are each other’s perfect mirror and will reflect each other their biggest underlying fears back to them, usually around rejection and abandonment.

The whole point to the twin flame relationship is for the pair to help each other ascend to higher states of consciousness through the mirroring and triggering, so that everything that is out of alignment with unconditional love is brought to the surface to be purged, healed and released through a rather intense and fast paced purification process.

This dance can persist for years, and often does take a signifiant amount of time to play out between the pair to its logical conclusion. Twins may become extremely frustrated, angry, resentful and hurt by each other throughout the journey. Despite this, they always seem to find their way back to one another in a state of forgiveness and gratitude because of the enduring unconditional love they hold for each other in their hearts.

If the twins can see the process through, they are ultimately able to reunite and resume the relationship as it was in the ‘bubble love phase,’ but this time around as healed, whole and awakened individuals with nothing but unconditional love tying them together.

So there you have it, a basic outline of the three most significant soul based connections that exist on our incredible planet. Stay tuned for further articles which will go into even greater depth about these amazing, catalytic and life transformative connections.

Love of a Good Woman

Recently I’ve really become acutely aware of the effects of the dominant patriarchal structures in society on both women and men. Now before you decide that this is an angry feminist rant touting all men as the enemy, please hear me out.

My intention is to highlight the effects of toxic masculinity so that people can become aware of how it may play out in their own lives, and how this may be remedied. I am a firm believer that awareness is key, and an essential stepping stone to real sustainable positive change. As we all contain both masculine and feminine energy regardless of our biological gender, this applies to both men and women. A woman is capable of embodying toxic masculine energy as much as a man and vice versa.

As I mentioned in my previous article, Transform the Distorted, the wounded masculine plays out in a plethora of ways. (Please note that I only use “he” purely for convenience. As noted above, this can apply to both a biological man or woman).

The wounded masculine has a distinct air of righteousness. He constructs emotional walls and withdraws when feeling threatened or challenged. He is stoic, uncommunicative, overpowering, physically aggressive and avoidant. He feels a deep inner sense of insecurity and unworthiness. The wounded masculine is emotionally vacant and refrains from expressing vulnerability.

Julia LAra

Unfortunately the wounded masculine archetype is still at large in our modern world, the embodiment of which is particularly evident in the dating scene, the workplace and male/female relationships. This dynamic appears to be reflected in TV shows, particularly over the last twenty years.

The infamous Showtime series Dexter is a prime example of this. He is undoubtedly secretive in most of his relationships, frequently uncommunicative and refrains from expressing vulnerability for the most part. We see that he’s basically a cold hearted killer who revels in luring his victims to a plastic wrapped bloody demise. Despite all of this, he’s also a massive softie, and has a great fondness for the women in his life, most notably his beloved sister Deb.

It is through his relationship with her, the feminine energy, that his softer and more compassionate side seeps through despite his frequent bloodlust. Some may argue that his relationship with Deb is codependent and therefore unhealthy. While this may be true, it may also be his saving grace, keeping him connected to his divine feminine energy of kindness and compassion.

Another more recent example of the embodied wounded masculine is the recent Netflix original series You, which explores a book shop owner’s obsession with Beck, a young aspiring writer, and the lengths he is willing to go to in order to win her affections, including murder. In this example, the protagonist Joe embodies distorted masculine qualities like control where he attempts to exert his own will over Beck by feverishly stalking her every move both physically and online in order to become the ‘perfect boyfriend,’ and fulfil some kind of distorted rescue fantasy.

Similar to Dexter, Joe is very secretive and lives a double life – devoted and loving boyfriend by day, murderous vigilante by night. He goes to great lengths to keep this shadow aspect from his beloved feminine by means of hiding the belongings or ‘trophies’ of his victims in a shoebox in the ceiling above the toilet in his apartment. He also uses the locked glass enclosure which houses rare books in the basement of his book store to imprison his prey before killing them.

You explores spiritual concepts such as the law of attraction and the dark night of the soul. This is evident when Joe recieves a beating from his alcoholic wife beating neighbour Ron as karma for murdering Beck’s best friend Peach, whom he deemed to be standing in the way of his beloved. We also see how Beck is pushed to her limit which forces her to shed the false sense of self she has been operating under, and stand strong in her own truth. This is expressed through the writing and publication of her first novel.

Beck uses her distorted feminine wiles to convince Joe to let her free with the false promise of her unconditional love. We can see clearly through this example that the distorted masculine energy erodes away at the feminine until she becomes so angry and enraged at his control and deception that she fights back and becomes vile and manipulative in retaliation. We see that the patriarchy keeps the masculine and feminine in separation, locked in a toxic dance of illusion. Ultimately, the patriarchy completely destroys the feminine, and we see this in a very literal example where Joe kills his beloved in order to protect himself.

You is about real genuine unconditional love versus codependent love based on patriarchal control. Both Joe and Beck approach their relationship from a place of scarcity and poor self esteem. In their own ways, they try to get what they want from the other rather than loving them for exactly who they are. In the end, it is the patriarchal structure that interferes with the core of unconditional love that exists between the masculine and the feminine.

There are various schools of thought which address the problem of the patriarchy and how to overcome the negativity that arises from it. While some of these approaches are inherently unbalanced, there are others that just seem to make a lot of sense. In my opinion, the work of Regena Thomashauser in her book, Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts holds the key.

Thomashauser or ‘Mama Gena’ as she affectionately calls herself argues that women are the greatest untapped resource in the world, and that if everyone can embrace the essence of the feminine in it’s greatest form, then we can obliterate patriarchy and the world will be a much better place.

She further notes that when a woman is happy, joyful and content, she radiates this energy out to the world affecting everyone around her in a myriad of positive ways. Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts teaches women to find the joy and passion in their lives regardless of their external circumstances and live from a place of pleasure rather than lack and misery.

This is certainly not to say that the feminine is superior to the masculine or anything like that. It is just highlighting that feminine energy can be intensely powerful and positive when utilised, valued and respected. In our current patriarchal system, we do not value the feminine in this way which has lead a host of issues, some of which have been highlighted in this article.

When it is truly embraced, the love of a good woman, the feminine goddess has the capacity to uplift humanity and create a safe space of healing for us all.

Terrifyingly Amazing

If I were asked to describe my awakening journey in two words I would say terrifyingly amazing. It’s been an incredible journey filled with peaks and valleys, highs and lows, wondrous epiphanies, painful dark nights and everything else in between. There have been times where I have wanted to do away with it all and step back into a ‘simpler’ version of reality. I wanted to forget about this whole darn thing. But I can’t. I have taken the blue pill and there is no takesies backsies.

This journey has taught me that there is no right or wrong, and that everything has an upside no matter how hopeless or shitty it may seem on the surface. Our society is built upon ‘either or’ thinking. It thrives on competition, a dog eat dog mentality, conflict, resentment and a separation consciousness.  It is this type of mindset that is keeping a lot of us stuck going around in circles, attempting to control the outcome rather than accepting the duality,  seeing the blessings and allowing things to unfold naturally.




It’s hard for the human ego to hold this duality in mind and accept it without experiencing a lot of discomfort. The ego wants to streamline everything, make it simple, black and white. My own ego has certainly struggled with this concept.   A recent situation at work had me baffled. I landed a job in an organisation that I love and have wanted to work at for years. I had hoped it would run smoothly, but instead I experienced challenge after challenge. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why this was happening despite all the work I had done to heal my own inner demons.

Then the penny dropped. I realised that the tension of opposites was at play here, and that I had a choice. I could drive myself nuts flip flopping from seeing the ‘good’ to seeing the ‘bad’ and wanting to place blame on someone or something. Alternatively I could accept that this tension of opposites could happily co-exist and that it was there to teach me this very lesson. In layman’s terms, swings and roundabouts – take the good with the bad, the bad with the good, accept it all without judgement and see the lesson.


There is no consciousness without discrimination of opposites.

-Carl Jung


What a relief it is to put down one’s combat sword and just allow things to happen without ending up with a severe case of analysis paralysis from over thinking.  I’ve realised that when you come from a place of accepting the tension of opposites and learning the lesson, you simply can’t fail. The notion of failure itself is a black and white concept that has no place in this higher realm of understanding. There is always something to be learnt from everything we encounter despite it’s outward appearance.

I encourage you to re-examine those areas of your life that you may have deemed as purely negative, and really take an honest look at where the tension of opposites might lie. Has there been some valuable learning or opportunity in the situation that you may have overlooked due to being triggered by past events? Despite hardship and struggles, beauty really does lie in the tension of opposites, and it provides an opportunity to embrace all that life has to offer from a place of soul growth, gratitude and unconditional acceptance.



Would I Do That?

Recently my beautiful new red bike was stolen from where I had chained it to the  stairwell of my apartment building. My immediate reaction was shock which quickly dissolved into distress, and then transformed into anger. I felt violated. Who could do such a thing? I started to question my security. If this could happen from right underneath my nose, was I safe sleeping in my own bed at night?

I discovered that this not an unusual occurrence. I heard from  friends, family members and acquaintances who had also had bikes and other items stolen. It got me thinking.. if this kind of thing is so common, is it just part of human nature? Could I be capable of such behaviour under the right set of circumstances?


In her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers , Debbie Ford suggests that every single person holds elements of every human characteristic that exists, including the darker traits.

We are taught by society to suppress our ‘undesirable’  or shadow traits and show only the  qualities that we deem as ‘acceptable’ to the outside world. However, when we see our hidden qualities reflected back to us in another, we tend to react with disgust, hurt, frustration or anger.

It made me wonder, is this what happened for me when my bike was stolen? I was so sure that this was something I would never do, and was therefore outraged that anyone could do it to me. Then I remembered that there have been times when, in moments of frustration, I have entertained thoughts around stealing something from a colleague who had done me wrong, or sending hate mail to an ex-boyfriend that had hurt me.

I realised that maybe I could understand why someone might steal a bike. Maybe the person who stole my bike has had a really crappy time of it, and has never felt loved and supported throughout their whole life.. Maybe stealing things was a way to exact revenge on a society that often fails to support the people who need it the most. This may not have been their conscious thinking, but it could have been the underlying reasons behind their actions.

imagesYour life will be transformed when you make peace with your shadow. The caterpillar will become a breathtakingly beautiful butterfly. You will no longer have to pretend to be someone you’re not. You will no longer have to prove you’re good enough. When you embrace your shadow you will no longer have to live in fear. Find the gifts of your shadow and you will finally revel in all the glory of your true self. Then you will have the freedom to create the life you have always desired.

-Debbie Ford

This experience also reminded me of just how connected we all are, and that the universe always evenly distributes karma, both positive and negative. A good example of this occurred to me when a friend stood me up, leaving me waiting alone at a cafe until I gave up and went home. This was only a few days after I neglected to show up to a day course I had booked due to my own fear and disorganisation.


This was my karma being reflected back to me, a stark reminder that I too have engaged in actions which had unintentionally caused frustration, anger and annoyance.

In order to rise up and embrace our wholeness, we need to truly accept and embrace our shadow as much as we do our light. It is with full integration of our darkness that we can be truly be free.


Not an Empath’s World

It’s recently come to my attention that it’s really not an empath’s world. It’s also not easy for the highly sensitive person, or HSP. I fit the criteria for both of these categories, and it’s been challenging to navigate for as long as I can remember.

Lately I’ve been a bit flabbergasted by the amount of people who seem to be completely smacked out on their smartphones almost all the time. Every single train, tram, bus, public street, cafe or workplace is crawling with people frantically texting, emailing, calling or just scrolling mindlessly through their instagram and facebook feeds.


I often walk away from a busy train feeling drained, frustrated, angry or just plain annoyed. I realised that the empath in me struggles in this scenario, especially in this day and age where increasing numbers of people seem to be endlessly yapping away about every last triviality of their day.

I understand that sometimes you just need to talk to someone, but I just don’t really want to hear about most of the things people discuss on my daily commute.  I’m also well aware that we live in a free society in the West, and that the onus is on the individual to look after themselves. So if someone wants to chat away on their phone for the whole train trip,  they have every right to do so, and those of us who don’t like it better invest in some noise cancelling headphones, or end up feeling like this..


This is all very well and good, and I am truly grateful for the standard of living that we enjoy in the West, including access to fundamental human rights, adequate health care and an abundance of food and water. I feel extremely fortunate to live in a society where I feel safe the majority of the time, and I have access to education and employment.

We are are also fortunate to have increasing levels of awareness around diversity  including a greater understanding of the LBGTI and CALD communities, people living with an intellectual or physical disability and people struggling with mental health issues. We definitely still have some way to go in terms of providing adequate support in these areas, but overall, there is an increasing level of recognition and understanding.

This brings me back to the empath issue. I was sitting at a previous workplace one day, and couldn’t help but voice my frustration around a particular staff member in the adjacent office who slammed the door loudly every time he left the room. The sound was so jarring that it sent shock waves through my system, and he completed this exercise in excess of fifty times that day.

Another staff member insisted on pacing up and down the corridor whilst he spoke loudly into his phone. Meanwhile, the girls in the lunch room screamed like hyenas while bragging about their drunken Saturday night antics. Hard to stay sane, let alone focus on work  with all of this going on..  And how is one supposed to make work calls with all that commotion? Ahhhhh! Where are those noise cancelling earphones again??

When I made note of this to the girl sitting opposite, she looked disapprovingly at me and told me how judgemental I was. It got me thinking that the lack of understanding a lot of people have for sensitive empaths and HSPs is not just a woo woo concept, it’s a real thing, and it can be really hard to deal with. I feel shamed every time I recieve a comment like that in regards to my sensitivity. I have lost count of the number of times I have been blamed in this way for something that is not of my choosing.

Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled.

– Anthon St. Maarten

There are several different methods that have been recommended for empaths and HSPs to help protect them from excessive noise, light and negative energies. Some of these include carrying crystals for protection, epsom salt baths, sage smudging, energy shielding visualisations and burning essential oils. All these things can be great, and different things suit different people (I am partial to sage smudging and salt baths), but all the techniques in the world won’t change the dominant attitude towards empaths.

I am not suggesting that non empaths are at fault for these frequently painful empath experiences. It really comes down to a big difference in the lived experience of human beings, and, in particular, a general lack of awareness and understanding of the empath’s experiences. And who could find fault with the non empath’s responses? Our society does not shed light on this essential difference. Not only are we not encouraged to develop our empathic nature, but we are not taught to recognize these gifts in ourselves and in others. The huge potential positives of the empathic experience are essentially neglected and treated as though they did not exist.

As part of my service, I will offer support and encouragement to those experiencing empath related issues. My sessions will provide support, awareness and understanding of the empathic experience for empaths, their loved ones and their families. An intimate understanding of the differences between empaths and non empaths is the essential first step. My service will also offer face to face appointments for clients in the Melbourne metropolitan area, as well as counselling via Zoom, Google Hangouts or phone. Stay tuned for further developments.

In the meantime, I hope that this article has provided some comfort for empaths who are feeling isolated in their sensitivities. You are not definitely not alone – I have walked a similar path for many years, and I know how it feels to be slighted for having a trait you did not consciously choose. Please don’t beat yourself up beautiful empath, this world is a much better place because of your heartfelt sensitivity.



Transform the Distorted

Recently I attended a great workshop about integrating the wounded masculine and feminine run by Krystal Alexander Hille. It inspired me to write a follow up to my previous article Oompa Loompas and He-Men to take a closer look at these archetypes and see if we can work towards the embodiment of our true nature.

When looking at the wounded masculine and feminine, it is important to keep in mind that both energies exists within all of us – we are all comprised of both masculine and feminine elements regardless of our biological gender. So without further ado let’s start with the wounded masculine. The wounded masculine energy is insensitive, shaming, controlling and immature. He is competitive, sexually aggressive and promiscuous.

distorted masculine

The wounded masculine has a distinct air of righteousness. He constructs emotional walls and withdraws when feeling threatened or challenged. He is stoic, uncommunicative, overpowering, physically aggressive and avoidant. He feels a deep inner sense of insecurity and unworthiness. The wounded masculine is emotionally vacant and refrains from expressing vulnerability.


Self-improvement is masturbation. Now self-destruction is the answer

-Tyler Durden, Fight Club

The wounded feminine energy is jealous and withholding. She plays the martyr and is overly emotional. She is manipulative, nagging and passive aggressive. She is dissatisfied and blaming. She is erratic and often feels powerless. She is indecisive, panicky, joyless and smothering. She is indirect and feels under appreciated by those around her. The wounded feminine suffers from a deep sense of not being seen and of feeling discarded.


You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me

-Marla Singer, Fight Club

Now before you go thinking that there is no hope and it’s all doom and gloom, let’s look at the other side of the coin – the divine masculine and feminine.

The divine masculine energy is strong but sensitive. He is protective of those he loves, a good provider and organizer. He is grounded and practical. He is emotionally intelligent and assertive. He is decisive, direct and a natural thinker. He is a giver and holds space for those in need. He is intelligent and a strong defender. He is energised and explorative. The divine masculine is the embodiment of the true warrior archetype.

The divine feminine energy is nurturing and assertive. She is joyful, strong, wise and emotionally intelligent. She is playful, maternal, grounded, creative and expansive. She is flowing, accepting and receptive. She expresses unconditional love while standing in her own power and giving to those in need. She is graceful and powerful. The divine feminine is the embodiment of the true sovereign queen archetype.

Sounds pretty good doesn’t it? Like a beautiful utopian universe filled with nothing but sunshine, rainbows and lollypops. Now you may be thinking, ‘how the hell can we ever become that?” I totally get it, it’s a big ask. There have been many times I have felt really disheartened and hopeless about things ever changing on my own awakening journey. But it’s not all lost. Obtaining the true embodiment of our divine masculine and feminine nature can be a difficult and daunting task but it’s certainly not impossible.

We can start by taking a good look in the mirror and examining our own behaviours and reactions. What makes you feel triggered? How do you respond to certain triggers? Did you react from your wounded masculine or feminine? What is the core fear or wound behind this trigger? Is it the fear of not feeling good enough? Of not belonging? Or perhaps it is related to the fear of not being loved? We all have had one or more of these three main fears at some point in our lives.

Breaking through our limited conditioning is no minor feat. It takes discipline, hard work and the willingness to face our biggest fears. But if we can start by working on ourselves, it will have a colossal impact not just on the happiness of the individual, but the continued awakening of the entire planet.


sacred masculine and feminine






That Capitalist Trap

It seems like the capitalist powers that be rack up big time in the lead up to Christmas, during the Christmas period and well into the new year. For up to four months before the actual big day we are bombarded by Christmas advertising online and on TV. Additionally, we are faced with the onslaught of Christmas carols, decorations and photos with Santa in every shopping complex across the western capitalist empire.

We are then encouraged to overindulge from Christmas even right through to the new year on a wide variety of hedonistic treats- pudding, chocolates, alcohol, roast meats and anything else we can lay our hands on.

This often leads to a self critical spiral of shame and self loathing when the new year begins, and we start the frenzied hunt for a suitable gym membership to shed those ghastly Christmas pounds. We vow that this year will be different, this year we will attend that spin class three times a week without exception.




When we inevitably ‘fail’ to live up to our new years resolutions, we spiral once more into a viscious cycle of self imposed shame and self deprication. This is especially the case when we realise how much money we have wasted on pricey boutique gym memberships that we never use, pottery classes that we fail to attend and cooking classes that we largely neglect.

The continual bombardment of advertisement we recieve on a daily basis only serves to reinforce the message that we are not good enough as we are and that we ‘need’ something external to ourselves to be worthy of love, recognition and financial abundance. Thus we beat ourselves up even more for not living up to a socially sanctioned set of standards that is almost impossible to achieve.

Of course there are always ways that we can improve ourselves – life is a continuous journey of self discovery and improvement.. But we are taught from an early age that we must achieve things in the physical material world – jobs, education, money and relationships in order to be considered accomplished and successful.


worthy of love

The reality is very much the opposite. The more we focus purely on the achievement of these external sources of ‘success’, the more we are sending the signal out into the universe that we will never be good enough, and this is what we continue to attract and manifest. The universe does not punish or reward us for our thoughts, actions and behaviours. It simply reflects back to us that which we are from the inside in our external physical environment.

The only true way to reach that goal of internal fulfilment is to realise first and foremost that in our true divine nature, we are already good enough. To return to our authentic humanity we must shed that which doesn’t serve us- our wounds, fears, social conditioning and illusions. At our very core, we are pure love. In our very essence, we are powerful and beautiful beyond all measure.



Oompa Loompas and He-Men

​Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, there is a lot of cultural and societal pressure to look, dress, feel and behave in certain ways.

​Whilst this is certainly not a new observation, it seems that  there is not a lot of literature around which draws a direct link between the influence of gendered conditioning and the challenges we face in recognising and becoming comfortable with our true authentic selves. ​

blonde selfie bimbo

Instead of encouraging us to embrace our own unique nature and  the beauty of the collective oneness that we all share at our very core, society  underhandedly enforces a plethora of limiting beliefs: men and women are vastly different, women must conform to a certain type of sexy, men aren’t allowed to show vulnerability, we are incomplete until we are “taken” and  betrayal in romantic relationships is unavoidable.

The picture is pretty clear when you look around and see the vast numbers of women wearing orange foundation (colloquially referred to as oompa loompas), and the equally large numbers of he men (I suspect the metaphor probably speaks for itself). The selfie age has well and truly taken over and contributed to a culturally approved vanity and narcissism that seems to reinforce the aforementioned limiting beliefs that are ultimately so damaging for us.

white alpha male

Now I’m certainly not trying to have a go at anyone by writing this article. I’ve definitely done my fair share of compromising on my core values and wearing masks in order to ‘fit in.’ Not everyone follows the league of oompa loompas and he men.. there are many brave folk who  allow their individuality and authenticity to fly loud, proud and free.  It’s more so that even for the more consciously aware of us, there seems to remain a strong undercurrent of conditioning that is really hard to completely break free from. It often takes a high level of discipline, conscious  effort, courage and consistency to break away entirely from the pressure to conform in some way, shape or form.

I’m not suggesting that we attempt to overhaul the evil cruel rein of our oppressive society by force (although the idea of organising a social revolution via Facebook invite does have a certain appeal). But in all seriousness, ​I truly believe that the key lies firstly in conscious awareness  followed by active pursuit. The more people that consciously choose to seek out and follow the path of their true highest potential, the better things will be for the collective.

This may or may not mean actively choosing to pursue jobs, goals, lifestyles, philosophies or hobbies that others and/or society see as stupid, crazy, embarrassing or just plain wrong. A heterosexual man harbouring a secret yen to study ballet should have the freedom to pursue his goal without fear of judgement or reprisal. A woman should feel free to look/act/dress in an androgynous manner without being regarded as ‘unfeminine’ or ‘unsexy.’


Whilst these are fairly obvious examples, sadly these kinds of gendered restrictions are still at large in many areas of the world. At the end of the day the real truth, the real essence of our humanity is that we are all one and the same regardless of gender, sexuality or any other defining category of separation.  Of course there are biological differences between us.. but at the risk of sounding all new agey and wishy washy,  we are at our core,  in our very essence, all one.  We all have both masculine and feminine energy within us.

​The next step for humanity is to truly recognise this truth and embrace the oneness that is present in all of us. It is a big ask and a big task, but everyone has the capacity to take a conscious look inwards and observe whether they may be  aligning with falsehood and ignoring what their soul truly wants. Harmony, balance, acceptance and a genuine commitment to following the path of their highest good.

devine masculine and feminine